My third book.

THE PASTURES OF THE GOD

Maxim Zuzin

You love righteousness, and hate
wickedness: therefore God, your
God, has anointed You with the
oil of gladness above Your
fellows. (Psalm 45:7)


Blessing

A girl stood near a many flats building in her child clothes. It was a late string day and it was sunny and warm. She looked attentively to a woman a thirty that stood against, they stood face to face at a pair of yards off each other.
‘Do you want it?’ The woman demanded.
‘I do not know.’ The girl negotiated.
‘Look, I will bear you a husband and he will love you only you help me bear a child. Just ask old woman Mary to take the curse off me.’ She invited for business decision.
‘But, if he will not be born?’ The girl demanded with feigned interest because she knew the woman was not able to bear a boy but a girl.
‘I will find some other son.’ The woman said. ‘All the same, you cannot have children. The doctors said for certain.’
‘Ok, that’s a deal.’ The girl consented with a smile of relief and kind mischief…
‘Natalie cannot bare kids because she took the curse of you.’ Mike said getting a bull.
‘You know much.’ Ironically, his mother said. ‘She was born unable to carry babies. She cannot be cured.’ She told.
‘All the same, Helen will bear her a child to bring up. That’s her duty of a sister.’ Mike decided.
‘You may help her in that.’ The mom remarked.

Nickname

Mike’s nickname he had in his childhood in the family might be translated as a search or round-up. It was given by his grandfather Peter who passed many years in the German captivity and Soviet prison camps. He said so when he saw Mike running fast on his knees and hands in the room where he made a havoc of all that lay on the floor.

True place

The dim room of the female hostel for the students of the agricultural college in Shushenskoe was as though specially hidden from the direct sunlight for this occasion for Mike’s mom to tell what she deemed necessary to sound over to her son. It was when the problems in the family got to its apogee whether because the dad overexposed himself to the overdraft of the sexual prepayment for having declared himself a volunteer for the vaccines program or else the origin was Anastasia’s own guilt for the death of these compulsory workers that had got burn up during a fire because of the bad repair self-made electrical heating while she had been then the technical security engineer on the Sorsk molybdenum plant. The first seemed to be the starting point for the hardships. She rolled over all that in a way to show Mike was a step-son having been adopted by her and her husband Jack when a she-wolf had brought the small baby boy to nearby their place of living in Ust-Abakan.
‘That’s all because of you. All the problems in our family. You brought us the bad luck. It’s because of you what happened to my husband. So, I will better leave in the orphanage house for them to do with you what they list (here, she told the improper and insulting things).
Mike listened to all that and it nothing left to him but to take the punishment on himself. To go to the local police office to start a life of suffering for the debts of others. It determined the karma for his whole life from hence on, now when he was about four years old. They treated him not like a bastard even but as some orphan infant that had lost his relevant privileges from the State for the benefit of somebody else. His parents if they were his paid no attention to his personal problems and did not want to give to him almost nothing but to take what pleasures they needed from his life account of good. Seemed he was born to solve somebody else’s problems. He felt like being a garbage can for bad emotions and bad haps originating from the guilt or wish for better morsels of happiness and satisfaction. No secret that a human being, here a boy or man was treated by all the way his parents treat him themselves. That might produce only cruelty in his soul. But, he might not realize that feeling to the detriment of society, he was on its errands doing all kinds of stinky chores deeming he gave himself an outlet for his aggression only in an imaginary way. Yes, he caused harm but only according to what was of an apropos place and might be only that way.



Again

The clouds covered the July sun and it became cooler, or else it was the evening time and that is why all had the grey tinge, especially the old wooden logs of the house and planks of the bench. Mike was about five years old. It was before that case with the Tajik gangsters. The old drug baron that had lost his status ordered his sons and sons-in-law for murder. These relatives of his had dishonored the former doctor and prisoner. Now, they wanted to kill his granddaughter Catherine. It was because her father had lost her as a stake in some card game. But, it was rather a plausible pretext. He rendered his daughter to death to give way to revenge score settlings and ensure his own security and revenue. All that was called by him to be the sense of honor.
The old man said that Catherine was infected with the hepatitis B and the illness took a bad turn to go on chronically. Then, he added something else.
‘She is also HIV positive, Mick. I don’t know if you would like to have such a wife. Maybe, it would be better for her to die as her father thinks. He also pities her in some way. She may not live long enough to become your woman.’ He said.
But, for small Mike, it had no meaning. He knew one simple thing: he should defend the girl. He was taught that simple rule as a child. He understood no card debts or any other clever things that would make him wise as it would be for an adult man. His heart told him he should stand up for Catherine…
The infections clinic office room bid for telling truth. The peroxide blond doctor satisfied her private curiosity by asking some personal questions from Mick. Her secretary, a young nurse, was her eye witness.
‘Do you somehow communicate with Catherine Grinsky?’ She demanded in a sequel of interrogation about Mick’s life.
‘I visited the same kindergarten with her but I did not meet her since that time.’ Mike ingenuously answered. He was twenty four at the moment.
‘Now, try to say to boys to stand up for girls.’ The middle aged woman commented to the young one…
Mike’s friend Jack fell in love with Catherine that made him get mashed on her by occasional kisses and hugs and simple ‘I want you’. Jack told that he had sex with her on a wooden bench near the two-storied prolonged house that his flat was part of. Letting out telling the details, he was with her. He also narrated that Catherine was a girl ‘with fantasy’. It meant that she was very liberal in her sexual life having enjoyed a youth rich in romances that occasional intimate experience. He even told that once she had made company to her girlfriend in amusing that girl’s boyfriend in bed.
Mike himself had warm feelings for Catherine that his soul conserved from his kindergarten time. Still, he reserved no right for himself to get jealous or have anything of that kind. He knew that Jack said he knew Catherine as a bedmate only once and had no success later having tried to become steady with her a pair of times. But, Jack said like cats scratched upon his soul. Mike had to express himself on that.
‘Do not grieve on that, Jack. At least you had her. Do be glad with that.’ Mike gave his friendly piece of advice.
‘I thought of all. You had her, Mike.’ Jack said with a smile that might be called cunning.
Mike’s mind was dull to such statements. Already for a long time, he lived in a emotional and intellectual shell that protected him from any intrigues and offences. So, he just took it for a jocular attempt to lie or an excuse for having cast the shadow on the girls’ repute…
Mike met Catherine once when he already lived with Julia and was a devout Christian that literally believed in the Bible’s teaching or spent much effort on expounding its sayings. She hinted that her daughter was Mike’s child, a girl of seven, in a talk with the girl’s father. She occasionally met him while she strolled with Mick and he became the witness of their conversation. She explained the girl’s countenance that was similar to her father’s one by the excuse that she was his niece. Then, she told that there existed some video recordings with the scenes of the intimacy of Mike with her and some other girls. She said like they did it paying no regard to the interdiction of some people. And, by the context, such intimacy had been taking place no far ago. She even invited Mick to watch these films. Mike felt that they tried to make fool of him taking avail of his sickness that might develop into absorbing the ideas now being touted to him by the pretext he had the division of personality that bereft him of the possibility to remember what he had done. A simple but rather effective trick. However, the fiend plays any jokes. So, Mike did not want to compromise his own Christian faith by visiting a young woman’s home for such a reason. And, he was afraid that it might be true. A little bit. Much more he was in fear to show himself a complete simpleton. And, again, he did not know how his life would be. So, such an innuendo would be of a good use if there were a necessity for solace. False or true. That Mick did not know.

Division of personality

When Mike was a kid, he wanted to somehow be able to do something serious and not to get into the jail. The only solution was to have something with his mind to be not responsible for his acts really. He did not want to be a fool. But, to have a division of personality was what might fit his plans. His grandmother Mary took the pills against hypertension that had the side-effect of the losses of memory chronically. Under the pretenses of saving the grandma against that problem, Mike conspired with his cousins to dig the pills into the soil in the orchard, but instead of just disposing of them in that way, the boy took them after chewing the dry tea. The grandma took it for a childish game and bought the pills again. It was as far as up to the time when these pills were prohibited by the ministry of the national medicine.
It was hard for Mike to make that choice. He knew he would forget the moments of the love with the women, but he would not remember the hard things also, like the war and murder. And, no doubt, he should feel very hard in the end when he would recall the past of his life. But, he needed that for the goals of his life, of which the main was to save the girls he loved. So, he got that division of his personality.
To say he did not control his future was not true. He bargained for the events of the future and in his dreams he saw it. But, the period he would not remember were unsure even in his dreams. He dreams but did not know if it would happen or not. The answer he might know only in the future when he would recall what he forgot about his life. But, even then he could not be completely certain. Some evidence like the video recordings was necessary. And, he hoped he would watch the movies about his life with the go of the time. Not in his minds cinema theater but on a real TV set.

Secret

Owing Mike was named responsible for the Chernobyl accident, they said to him to threat the other KGB departments with a possible terrorist act with a nuclear bomb. It should be an exercise against a real danger. For that purpose, Mike told to somebody how to make a handicraft nuclear bomb. There was a tumult in the local KGB office. The officers asked his parents if the boy contacted some scientists. It was a secret how an eight years old boy might know the basic principles of the nuclear bomb mechanism. Indeed, Mike had consulted a man some time ago on that question. Even, when he was a young man they said they caught some people with the parts of the home-made nuclear bomb and there were the links with Mike.



Anti-Soviet conspiracy

To say that Mike might be declared a terrorist would not be right. Mike felt the flair of great mischief and informed the relevant authorities very fast. He had the intuition for that. After the talk with that KGB officer that had said he might blow the station by switching off the security system of the nuclear reactor, Mike did not make as much as fifty steps on the pavement to speak about that to some acquaintance of his. But, all deemed he had just a too vivid imagination until the catastrophe took place. He was about seven then. The same was for 11th of September. He always gave the timely signals to the authorities. As for Chernobyl, they said they disclosed an Anti-Soviet organization with as much as fifty participants who were declared responsible for the nuclear accident. Some said that organization was financed from abroad.
Some time after the attack on twin towers, after six years maybe, Vitally, a friend of Mike, transmitted the information from the Russian intelligence office that first they cured Ernst, a Swedish CIA officer that had said too many strange things on the eve of the tragedy when Mike had informed them about the detail of the prepared kamikaze high-jack and second they were occupied with the people. It might mean that they tried to get some information from Ernst or else he experienced a nervous breakdown and they looked for and interrogated the people in CIA organization that might be guilty in the 11th of September tragedy.
As for Mike’s own game that brought no practical result of prevention, he did it for sure. Anyway, Al-Qaeda would have accomplished its plane of blowing the trucks with explosives in the garages of some skyscrapers and in such a case there would have been no chances of survival for those who would be in the buildings and there would be no chance to catch the terrorists beforehand which was possible with the kamikaze attack, however it was not taken avail of.

Promise

Small Mike and that KGB officer, who had said he was guilty before the State and also felt himself ready to act for the false evidence of a terrorist act that should have caused the explosion on the nuclear station in Chernobyl, sat on the concrete border of the asphalt square for cars to stop, behind the bar building that cast shadow over that place. Mike might not tell for sure whether they prepared a risky experiment to speed the reactor or it was overheated and the only way to prevent a nuclear detonation of it was to destroy it with ordinary explosives. Somebody overheard their conversation, it were the operators of the Chernobyl station as Mike understood. They went out of the bar and went the other way around the building. When they appeared from behind the corner, one of them said very loud, ‘Do not worry, boy. We will blow up that damned station.’ The other laughed.
Mike was not sure if his talk with that KGB officer was indeed in the framework of a KGB operation to create the false evidence of a diversion to cover up some intent technical solution or a dangerous scientific research. When the officer knew Mike was alone in his conspiracy to cheat the public in that and no adults were involved he was disappointed in all that. But, just before he had probably fished pretending that he was ready to take part in that affair no matter if it was a conspiracy against Soviet regime or an attempt to collect the false evidence for a predestinated explosion of the nuclear reactor by the other causes. Mike told that if he should be an enemy of nation (or better to say a son of the enemy of nation) and answer for that with a certain mental sickness because of the sexual forbearance in adulthood it would be better for it to be because of something serious like a nuclear accident. He had to say so because the man asked for the reasons why the boy took part in it.
‘I also want to revenge for my girlfriend whom they brought into a laboratory and she died in an experiment.’ The officer said with a sigh.
‘You are in an anti-Soviet organization?’ Mike demanded.
‘Yea. KGB is our anti-Soviet organization. That’s its name “KGB”.’ The man informed.
It was now the time for Mike to slow down and fish. He did not want to be part of any real criminal affair, especially of such a level. The man was whether a very clever one or else too stupid. Mike first said that he was ready to answer for his guilt himself and cause no more harm to the nation. Then, he advised the man to forgive people and resign to his fate the same.
‘Say me honestly what is what with all this? I should know what they force me to take part in?’ Mike demanded.
‘If you know all you will get old soon.’ The man said with a smile.
But, the small boy insisted for the man to say it was all no real intent to commit such a serious terrorist act and the young man told that he had also to take guilt on himself in this. They talked with Mike already for fifteen minutes and he had come to the weeping boy after a man who also had been an operator from Chernobyl had laughed that Mike’s children would be freaks while people in his environment would lead a free sexual life on account of the vaccines made of his blood. Though Mike had known it had been just a beforehand agreed provocation for him to commit a “terrorist act”, it had been painful for him and the man had come to him as if to calm him down. The man said it was nothing extra but only what Mike had agreed on with the police office before. It meant there was a cover-up operation to fake the proofs that the nuclear accident might happen not because of the technical unsafe character of nuclear energy but due to human factor in the form of an intent to bring about a catastrophe…
With the go of the time, Mike began more and more anxious as to the future experiment of the Chernobyl nuclear station. He complained from time to time about his fate and tried to acquit himself of what might happen. He often spoke that there was a conspiracy and a terrorist act or dangerous experiment was prepared. He asked his father to speak to the authorities, police and KGB. On the whole, he made all to prevent anything that might bring about the nuclear catastrophe. He made all that was necessary to create the impression that he did the necessary things to avoid any peril. But still, he was not that desperate in his attempts to change the future. He knew that the experiment was sanctioned above in highest instances and his fate was to insure that project by giving affidavit against himself and somebody else to the effect it was no scientific mistake but an intent special act to cause a nuclear accident. The more so, there even were the rumors that the explosion was inevitable because the reactor was continuously overheated and an attempt to turn it off might cause an uncontrolled nuclear reaction which could bring about a detonation and atomic explosion with a nuclear mushroom. So, Mike did not come into the local KGB office to report about a terrorist act ahead. He knew it was not his role. In such a case, he would be totally out of any suspicion and might not make any illusion of a subversive activity against the State and nation to divert the attention of the public from that mere fact that the peace atom might be dangerous.
Mike might not tell whether there was any initiative on his part in all that or not. There was an attempt to bring his dad to responsibility for some of his faults. They proposed him to consume the contents of the ampoules that were filled with the weakened viruses and bacteria as was the tale. Mike supposed that his dad might play as an actor in that story. Maybe, there was a real danger that Mike was able to contract some infection with his ideas of getting immunity for future babes from the sick girls not to die. But, the father was very afraid himself, it might be clearly seen. He said that he was going to forbear of sex and any satisfaction at all to produce the antibodies against heavy infections. It might be possible that KGB dealt with him that way just to have reasons to put him into a madhouse that was the fashion to treat the people that made something against the Soviet regime and its values. The dad confessed that he had a sexual liaison with the wife of the communist party functionary of regional level. So, it should be his punishment. But, such a delirium as the program of vaccines testing on the part of KGB must have attracted too much attention to the whole affair from the public. Still, the reaction of the public might be too temperate and even they could be glad with his dad’s problems. So, when Mike became an adult man of thirty he might not say for sure if his dad’s problems were artificial or not. Of course, sometimes, he believed that the vaccines had been really tested on him and the same had been planned with his father but for Mike’s own superseding that role. Again, one of the lines for the transmission of the responsibility on Mike was the motive of revenge for the persecution of his father Jack. Nonetheless, Mike could not say if he himself had initiated all that or it was the materialization of a plot that had been conceived in the rooms of some secret services. Sometimes, it seemed to him that in the age of four years old he already had been able to promote that idea of answering for the sins of the other people, which was no more than practical responsibility for the faults and intents of other people in a way that was based on the mere moment of suffering that might produce really or visually some material profit that could redeem the damage from the mistakes of other people when an accident would be covered up by some kind of legend or real events and acts of true essence that should be characterized by the principle of taking guilt instead of other people. So, Jack might just pretend to have any problems with the law and police. Or, which was more probable, they rendered certain influence on his father to cut short on his boozing and womanizing. If Mike wanted indeed to suffer for somebody else’s sins as he expressed himself, then such an insurance of this ostensible salvation of his father and a personal sacrifice for his wellbeing and no harm made to him, was necessary for him to have better treatment in the time when he would be sick. And, for Mike, the thought of sexual forbearance to cause a temporary mental sickness for several years while he would be able to study and even work was based on his unwillingness to serve in the army. Had Jack served his army term namely in Vietnam jungles in a marine detachment that had taken many a battle with Yankee marines and green berets or not, still, he told many bad things about army to his small son Michael. The negative moment was that his father had given a signature for a certain document to the effect that Mike should collaborate with KGB, which meant he might be sent to some place like Afghanistan and even assassinate the criminals or other people that were not convenient to the authorities. That is why when Mike heard from his dad’s friend Valero that there was a program of vaccinations and a volunteer was needed he knew it was a good idea. He felt it was a joke pronounced on having drunk much of vodka with his father with a reference to an acquaintance of Valero who had tried to persuade people to the same effect as Mike afterwards did for the existence of a special vaccines testing and producing program.
‘But, will I believe that there were women in my life then?’ Mike asked.
‘If you do what he did, be sure you will believe that you had women in love with you. You will believe that your fantasies are real.’ Valero assured.
For small Mike it was interesting that KGB had collaborated with that man. It gave an illusion that something might be real in these talks and rumors. Or, it was not an illusion. Whatsoever, Mike knew it was his choice. His father told too much about spoiled youth and no real achievements in his life. Jack thought that women were the cause of the absence of success in his life. Jack said that women speculated on the complex that men had because when they did not have a woman they needed to masturbate not to go crazy.
‘I would achieve much in my life. But, I attained nothing because to study and make a prominent career was necessary to have almost no women. That’s intolerable to stay alone when you are ambitious. And, I lost so much time in the army. It would be better if my life were different. But, I could not stay without women and they need money. And, if you do not have a good education you have to go to an unqualified job where there’s impossible to make a career. That’s a vicious circle. Then, I lost myself and began to drink.’ Jack told.
They talked much with him forth on about the possibilities to shirk the army duty and cause functional mental sickness to burn the bridges and study much to become somebody in this life. There was the inference made on the experience of Jack’s fellow soldiers in the army that to begin to forbear was hard. It was necessary to possess a basis of beliefs of childhood to bring about the crazy move for sexual abstinence, first, and to commit something very frightful to answer for it, second. But, did Mike want to cause a real disaster of Chernobyl or else just want to take responsibility for a certain or probable accident, he might not tell for sure. Sometimes, it seemed to him that already in his very early childhood he wanted to cause Chernobyl and then bring about a suicide airbus attack on the twin towers of World Trade Center to attract the attention to his future books when he would become a writer. In such a case, he might pretend that he first served CIA and betrayed his fatherland by mistake and then revenged USA for paying no money while he just expressed his hatred to the humanity that needed to lead wars that might need him as a soldier on an inequitable principle of recruiting when he would serve with some guys from poor families in local conflicts to leave to the rich boys better chance with girls and jobs. All that determined an attempt to avoid this with a period of craziness and Mike was ready to cause and revenge it with all what he planned to commit…
Small Mickey played in the corridor of the hostel for female students where his parents had a pair of rooms on the first floor. He was a rather public figure due the young women that lived in that building put on wind many rumors, especially those that had to do with romantic relations. And, the talks about Mike were at premium owing people preferred them for their sublime nature of direct suffering for love. So, Mike was maybe as famous as a small reincarnation of Buddha. That is why he was in no surprise when a man commenced a conversation with him concerning his idea to suffer and redeem the sins of other people he loved.
‘So, you want to suffer for the sins of these girls?’ He demanded from small Mickey, the boy of four.
‘Yea, I want to take their curse on myself and answer for their sins if I will find a real way for it.’ Mike confessed.
‘But, may you answer for something else? For some other sin?’ The man questioned.
‘What is the deal?’ Mike asked.
‘We have the problems with our atomic electrical station and we are afraid it may explode.’ The man told.
Then, Mike asked for the more concrete details of the case and when he knew that there was no way to avoid the exploitation of the nuclear plant on account of the impossibility of a governmental decree for it he consented. Thus, his adventure of taking responsibility began. Was that doubled by something else Mike could not recall for sure. But, all he knew was that when he asked his dad Jack why he wanted to forbear of sexual satisfaction and go mad, the last said that they fabricated a penal case against him and nobody would laugh in the end of that story if he would say he had prepared a terrorist act against the Chernobyl nuclear plant because it would explode actually. So, Mike did not know if he did it benevolently or not. The only possible explanation why his dad talked about a penal case faked up against him was that Mike had persuaded the police himself for that or it was their natural lesson for his father due to Mike’s own unusual ideas of suffering that might bring about a feeling of sympathy and make the police officers create for Jack a situation where he should feel himself in the skin of his son Michael owing many thought that such credo had been elaborated in the mind of Mike because of the desperation that his dad’s womanizing and booze entailed…
When the Chernobyl disaster eventually happened Mike was in his first years of school. He remembered about his promise and spoke with his aunt Susan about his own involvement into that case. He tried to demonstrate to her his abilities of influencing the moves of other people’s arms by his own will. It had some effect on the woman and she believed first that her nephew had been able to hypnotize an operator of the nuclear plant to commit a wrong and too fast move of a lever that might make the nuclear reactor blow up. But then, she resumed common sense and called the town’s KGB office to talk with Mike about that and explain to the boy that he was in no concern with that accident because she was afraid he might become a victim of somebody’s wrath for such assertions. Thus, the story of that investigation of his participation in that case commenced…
Mike spoke with many people much about a future Chernobyl accident. They made a walking laugh of him and thought he was crazy because of that. But, when it occurred nobody laughed any more.
Few days after that accident on the Chernobyl nuclear plant his dad Jack sat on the divan in the guest room and rubbed his head. Further on, he asked Mike many questions about all that might be related to that case because he said he would need to explain to the relevant authorities why his son Michael had prattled on every occasion about a future atomic catastrophe.
‘Never say it to anybody, Mick, about what I will say. At least as far as it settles down. But, I think the God was in all that. They derided you so much about your fear it might happen and it really happened. But still, I cannot understand why you have to answer for that the way you say about your desire to redeem it.’ Jack spoke…
For Mike, that story was full of mysticism. His grandma Helen had told when Mick was very small that already her own father Nick had predicted a catastrophe of the same character in that city. The name of the city might be translated into English as “the city of the black tale” and the tale itself should be real by the meaning of the word in that city name. Was there any curse and did his ancestors put it on that city by the token of Mike’s own strange role in that and future redemption by his suffering. It might be interpreted that Mike bought such a great mishap in the shop of the universe with his own suffering. Or, was he a prophet and might see the future? He pretended to be one and maybe it was his arrogance due his acts were grounded on the rumors about an inevitable explosion on this nuclear plant because ordinary dynamite should prevent a much more strong nuclear detonation of the reactor comparable with the impact of an atomic bomb in action. Hardly, he would risk insuring any risky scientific experiments. However, it might not be said that he had only one strict disposition of his will and intellect to that event, even before it happened. That is why no simple juridical qualification might be given for his acts. The events were so much stretched in time that one day Mike thought about it this way, the other that. He changed his opinion during a day also. So, he already might not tell certainly what was the origin of his participation in that and what was his intent. He played a role like a good actor and even believed sometimes he was a terrorist. Still, he might not say that there was any direct link from him to that cruel example of the will of the Almighty. And, might all that fuss he did somehow entail any influence on that case? Mike knew that the only way for him to determine that disaster could be only to realize a curse that his grandfather Nick had passed on that city, but whether such version was applicable to Mike alone? It seemed Mike had a too vivid imagination…
Mike was able to sustain the interest of the investigators from KGB with small morsels of what he knew each time for rather long, but finally that game pretty tired these officers. They wanted to know all Mike might tell due he did much to intrigue them with passing in silence what he might but did not want to narrate as could be seen from his behavior. One day, he walked by the corner of the KGB building that was on his way from his mom’s office to home. A fat man advanced in age, who was obviously a mere citizen that expressed his opinion and propagated rumors, stopped him.
‘You think you may fool people with your silly tales any more! There’s already an order for a grilling questioning you! You will relate all before your death. I bet you will not stand torturing.’ The angry man in worn trousers and soiled T-shirt proclaimed in a pose of theater accusation…
Mike did not want to play that game this fashion any more. He felt that his initiative to take responsibility for that nuclear accident turned out a dangerous way. He had needed that perhaps to impress his prospective rivals and competitors in the future as to his own decisiveness in cruel matters. He had deemed it might be important if he had a harem, or better to say, if he would be fortunate enough to have one. That might help him chase off anybody that would try to make romance with his future numerate wives. It was stupid and now had bad consequences. So, Mike was ready to give more of affidavit and sneak on all his feigned accomplices that might with the same success be his real aids in that conspiracy against the security of nation. So, he narrated about that KGB officer whom he had had a conversation about that with. After some time, they brought that unfortunate officer for a confrontation with Mike. It could not be said that the man was upset and demoralized in any way with getting into suspicion of KGB for such a serious matter. It seemed he was too brave and brought in too much of pretences to Mike for having really committed something that might bring a nuclear accident. He had told Mike that it was possible for him to deactivate the security system of the nuclear plant for an imminent explosion during the prophylactic works with the reactor. But, he would have needed a gun and much of luck to hold off security personnel for enough time. But, now he was very high spirited and did not look like that downcast man Mike had met several a four years before. It was more of a displeasure for him than tragedy.
‘So, you are glad? I have now to prove that I am not an ostrich.’ The officer, who was a participant of that half private half official plan to divert the attention of the public from real cause of the catastrophe beforehand, inquired.
‘I did what they asked me to do.’ Mike answered.
‘You play your silly games and do not reckon for other people’s fate! You may fool somebody else but I made enough references about you and know what a fruit you are. You wanted to spoil my career?’ The man angrily rebuked.
‘I thought you also was guilty and wanted to redeem it that way.’ Mike put in a replica in a low voice.
‘And, what of it? Now, I am even guiltier.’ The officer continued.
Surely, the man took it too personally and maybe outwardly egoistically in face of the national tragedy.
‘I do not have to lose anything more.’ The bad luck accomplice announced. ‘So, I will play it your own way till the end and confess that I did it intentionally and find any means to make it proved it was a crime and diversion. So, be ready for trouble.’
Mike was chastised now. But, he could not answer for himself if it was only a natural reaction for that gross misunderstanding entailed by his clumsy efforts to help the government or it play it around in some other manner. Maybe really, it was just Mike’ own isolated game that influenced human minds and fates and he played it on his own. It was the chess of personal success perhaps through obstacles and mishaps. Mike counted out his combinations and advances of his acts and events that were brought into existence by interior and exterior reasons in respect of him…
Then, Mike gave more information for possible subversive activity on the part of the operators of the nuclear plant. Maybe, it added fuel to the wrath of the State security service but there were the rumors that KGB interrogated the widows and other relatives of those technical personnel who died during the accident. Even if they did not want to falsify the evidence of the existence of an anti-Soviet conspiracy, still they wanted to know for sure there was nothing of the kind.
‘The guys do not spare their efforts in belaboring out confessions from these women and old men. They even interrogate children. And, there are no foolish games like it is with us and you… However, I do not think those guys will make any career on that. I feel their hour will come also.’ The officer who usually superintended Mike reasoned...
When Mike was already adult he once heard an accusation from the mother of his girlfriend Julia for having confessed his guilt in Chernobyl accident.
‘You are such a fool? Who will dare to bear you any children after that? Whether you might not just blow it up and keep silence after that? They found that KGB officer whom you cheated and instigated to blow up the reactor. They tortured the relatives of those operators because of your affidavit. Why you did it?’ The woman emotionally rebuked in a questioning way.
‘I had to somehow solve the matter with my army service. You think I would have forborne just for the pity for you sick daughter?’ Mike angrily stated.
‘You are a frightful man.’ The woman evaluated his assertion…
On a meeting with the representatives of the criminal world they also did not criticize his giving affidavit against the operators of the Chernobyl nuclear plant due it should be considered as a terrorist act that might not be covered up by any delinquent moral of gangsters…
When Mike was about five years old, just before his parents would get a new flat and move out of the hostel where they lived. He found contact with a student from USA that happened to visit the museum of Lenin’s exile and visited the female hostel of the agricultural college on an occasion. By accent and manners, it was clear that that foreigner was a Westerner, or else he wanted to pass for a USA citizen. He was fluent in Russian and was able to persuade he was interviewed by CIA before his visit to USSR. As a proof for the idea that he was maybe a special emissary of CIA was the fact that first of all they spoke about Mike’s will to suffer for the sick girls. It might be seen the man knew about Mike’s participation in vaccinations program, no matter if it was an imaginary program or real. He paid too much of attention for the small boy’s arguments and statements. As a prelude, Mike commenced with selling civil scientific secrets in the field of computer programming. He proposed a simple and promising manner of computer interface when it would not be necessary to study complex languages of programming but just realize the principle of the interactive screen based on tables and icon that might be open to change what there was on the screen. Had it any scientific value or was an attempt to invent bicycle Mike might not say but the first step was made. Then, Mike proposed to blow up the Chernobyl nuclear station. He said he was able to do it. It was already after Mike had met that scientist who had said to him that the energy plant’s reactor might explode. There were the rumors to the same character in society. So, Mike wanted probably to make profit on taking responsibility for that on account it would be made safe by his future suffering because of sexual forbearance that might be interpreted as self-punishment. The man said that in CIA they instructed him for such cases and they discussed with Mike what reward the last would get in the future. Though, it should be said that Mike only promised to take responsibility only. He honestly warned the young man who might be an agent with much of straining the point, that an accident on Chernobyl nuclear plant was quite probable. Then, they agreed to consider one another as the ambassadors of the good will without any implications. Still, Mike was able to refer to that as to the moment when CIA hired him for a diversion of Chernobyl…
Once, when Mike was about twenty, he was a guest in the flat of the mother his friend Jack. That day Jack was somewhat nervous due to what bad they talked about Mike. He enumerated many accusations that people had against his pal. That discussion began from the conversation if there were any prospects in Mike’s life. That question appeared in connection with his constant efforts to get a good education which was considered by Jack as a senseless waste of time owing Mike was mentally sick because of his constant forbearance from sexual gratification. Still, Inna as was the name of the mother of Jack was optimistic. She thought that many people might support Mike if he would endeavor in establishing himself in politics. But, Jack had the opinion that Mike was too dangerous to be in government. He referred to the links Mike had in regard of the Chernobyl disaster and September 11th.
‘I do not see anything uncorrectable in that. The child committed a mistake of betraying his country and put it right.’ She said.
But, all the same, Jack was very negative to the idea of his friend’s possible public career. He showed his disapproval.
‘I do not know, Jack, whose friend Mike is, yours or mine?’ Inna rhetorically questioned.
Mike was the eyewitness of that verbal conflict. But, he did not understand much of what they talked about. He was so deeply concerned with his own soul pain that forgot about many things that had happened in his life. And, these things were better in being out of memory…
Mike told more and more about his involvement into the accident on the Chernobyl nuclear plant. But, all the links were very indirect and constituted no evidence of any participation of the boy and any act or conspiracy that might have brought about that disaster. Mike might not think of anything more. He honestly confessed that he exploded the plant to have a psychological foundation for sexual forbearance as a way to avoid army service. Then, he frankly assumed that it was to attract the attention to his modest person for becoming a writer in the future. Whatsoever, nobody had anything serious against him in respect of that technical failure.
‘We have checked up on all what you said and we cannot see that anybody was in plot with you. I mean somebody who might make anything entailing that accident. What you may say more on that?’ The KGB officer demanded.
‘When I talked with that KGB officer who said he might theoretically deactivate the security system of the plant, there was a man that sat at a table of the bar nearby. He always kept silence and gave no comments, just listened. He probably was also from the personnel of the nuclear plant and believed my story about torturing of human beings for producing vaccines. Maybe, he blew it up.’ Mike presumed.
‘You mock?’ The officer asked with astonishment and latent indignation…
It might be said that the story of taking guilt was over. Further on, Mike acknowledged that there were the rumors that the reactor on Chernobyl nuclear plant was in bad repair and might explode, that is why he had undertaken that simulation of criminal activity in the framework of a journalist investigation to write a book on that in the future and have more chance to find contact with the persons who might say why such a disaster was let to happen when almost all knew that there was a real danger before the accident. They asked no more questions. It seemed they were tired and lost interest in that investigation when they understood Mike had dissimulated he had just played the fool to attract attention to his person for his own purposes…
It might only be said that there was one more episode in that story. A year before the Chernobyl catastrophe, Mike met a pair of guys and they promised him to play false spoor as those whom he feignedly charged with that diversion as secret accomplices that might be considered as only actually existing and real.


Cosa Nostra man

The doctor of Bernardo Provenzano came to visit Mike in his home town when the last was about eight. There was a talk and the old man wanted for Mike to collaborate with the Sicilian Mafia. Mike did not reject that offer but he said he wanted to work for CIA and maybe help people that might be called mafia.
‘It’s hard to have our own man in CIA. What you want to do?’ The doctor demanded.
Mike was not very positive for eating the hard bread of Mafia. He knew that for the easy money of drug traffic, prostitution and racket they paid much to the State. So, he said that the only thing he wanted was to produce the vaccines for the State for it not to be so angry with Mafia to make them participate in the same with hard consequences. It made some sense and the old man took Mike’s blood to prepare the vaccines for prostitutes and that part of the Mafia families that had come under the harsh governmental measures intended to compensate the damage that was caused by the gangsters…
‘The Mafia said that your blood is just a trick, an empty one.’ The KGB officer informed Mike. ‘They found nothing in it.’
‘It did not help?’ Mike asked.
‘It helped but they say that’s placebo.’ The man told.
Mike hoped that it only indicated that his blood was of a high quality for the production of vaccines.


Conductor

Mike was in the city, the regional capital Krasnoyarsk that struggled for the status of one having one million residents, but unsuccessfully because the immigration mostly had its resource in the district main towns and villages a little bit. The southern regions of the Soviet Union delivered few newcomers in difference from Moscow, for instance. The trolleybus that came through the streets of that Siberian town rocked smoothly from side to side when it came by the curves of the road. The sun penetrated through the dirty windows and heated the saloon of the trolleybus. The conductor, a young woman that found her way through the throng of passengers who stood and kept place hanging upon the hand-rails, looked tired. She was clothed in a grey wind breaker and deep blue trousers. People obediently passed over the money for tickets to her. She passed to the head of the trolleybus where Mike sat with his mom on the left front pair of seats. She came to the driver, a man, which was rare for trolleybus because women had the monopoly to lead these vehicles.
‘You have a heavy job.’ Mike who was about nine years old said. ‘It’s necessary to fuck you.’
‘You may render the pleasure?’ The woman asked with curiosity and a little bit of surprise.
‘I would not refuse.’ Mike said.
‘What a terrorist there is in here?’ She said calmly and as though usually, with little of irony.
The passengers laughed. The young man of about twenty eight that sat to the right did it with the acknowledgment of the well-placed character of the offer. In a few seconds people kept silence again.
‘Do not give attention to him. He is out of himself a little bit.’ The mom said to the conductor.
The trolleybus made its way through the city further.




Bribes

Mike might not say for sure if it was a dream or else it really had taken place in his life when he was a boy of eleven. It seemed to be the reminiscence of his memory and not a play of imagination. They said Julia’s parents received their first three-room flat for the bribes. As well as Mike remembered, he paid for the night with the two years younger Julia one and half thousand rubles. It was the third part of the price of an average Soviet car. That money were not earned by his parents and compiled from their wages. Somehow, it was earned by Mike himself. Probably, it was from the revenue of the collection of the raw products for the State pharmacology, mostly opium, where Mike was the brand and license for the peasants. He took this way his payment for the vaccines produced of his blood from the State. It was agreed so with the KGB and their advice indeed. Mike was to have the influence over Julia in the future. The way Mike recalled it, Julia and he himself were very serious. There were no laughs and smiles. The girl seemed to be so competent that Mike was afraid it was not her first experience and maybe he was not her only sex mate. That jealousy was paranoiac or the result of the childish imagination based on the complex of victim. Julia probably was taught well by her mother because when there was a few seconds inconvenience during the intercourse she put it right with her hand and said that it did always happen. That “always” made Mike somewhat suspicious. At his question why she knew that specific thing about sex she said her mom told about it to her.
Was it immoral and illegal? It hardly might be called prostitution. Mike had a legal KGB paper that Julia was his wife for their whole life without the right of divorce. And, that intimacy was not in its main purpose for to bring the gratification. It was to check Mike’s immunity, whether it would help Julia and not damage him. The struggle with the sicknesses and survival was at the stake.

Count

‘You seem to be a count, Mike, but your father was a soldier and he served well for you to have many unique chances in your life. So, be careful. The public opinion may not save you if you make something wrong.’ The superintendent officer once warned Mike when he was about eleven.
It was rather necessary. Paranoia might have made Mike behave unreasonably on the false pretences he had been betrayed by his relatives.

Cows

They said to Mike to give the regular blood tests. Still, they did not require much blood of his.
‘We do not need much of your blood, Mike. The cows will produce the vaccines. They also want to be healthy. Or sick?’ The officer asked of small Mike.
Mike had to assure that all would be Ok.


Case

That question was addressed to Mike on one of his visits to the local KGB office. A fair-haired KGB officer of about thirty, who was sick with the hepatitis C and hardly might evince much of aggression, told to the boy about a case that got under the survey of the office. Mike had something like an authority with the officers that looked after him. So, maybe, his point of view was also considered.
‘Mike, we need your opinion. We have a victim. That’s a girl. The boys played an execution. They put the girl against the wall and shot from the slings. Finally, they shot off an eyeball of the girl with a stone. What you offer to do with them?’ The man asked.
Mike had only one answer for such cases. The same way as he himself served his guilt with suffering he knew only one way to expiate the fault. It was to participate in the production of the vaccines. A hard deal the way it was.
‘Maybe, they should participate in some dangerous experiments. To test some medicines or maybe even to produce the vaccines.’ Mike proposed.
‘It does not suit us. I do not deem it to be an honorable thing to give these boys to have a way to earn the money. We should have paid in the end. I think we would find some volunteers for that and the boys, they are twenty, will come to Chechnya.’ The officer sentenced…
Mike did not know if that threat was real and effective. It was several years for the war to begin and its perspective was not certain. And, the boys might not have good health or get into the universities or somehow else elude that deadly punishment. Maybe, it was the business of the girl’s relatives or else some people in the society to take the vengeance into their hands. Mike somewhat doubted that the KGB officers would take such harsh measures without a private interest in the case as the natural go of the things should be. Was that promise a showoff and bluff or else a real decision Mike could not tell.

Chosen punishment

Mike waited for his case to be considered by KGB. He came through indirect accusation in the terrorist act of Chernobyl accident. And, he wanted to know what would be his punishment. There came a day when he was informed on that. On his consequent visit to the local KGB department, the officer said in an easy agitation that testified that the immediate result of investigation was in question, ‘We found you the punishment. You will forbear.’
Mick did not anticipate something else. It was according to the logic of what had begun several years ago from the persecution of his father. It was not only discouraging but also an emotional downcast. He offered to expiate his guilt by becoming a soldier in some open war local conflict with the participation of Russia. But, it did not suit what KGB wanted of that deal.
‘You want to be after that a hero to come around and date girls for free? That is not what we wish from all that. So, do not look for sideways in your life.’ The comment for his offer of serving his country in military way was.
Mike did not know if his military secret operations were real or imaginary. There were two lives of his. The one he could watch with his sight, the other one he heard from the other people in a system of rumors or maybe actual knowledge he might not evaluate it properly once and for all. All that was based on the idea that Mike had a division of personality and there existed Jack who was second self of Mike. Jack lived his own life that was relatively isolated from Mike’s. That life was kept in minds of people around Mike but he himself could not tell if it was imagination or lost memory. He remembered what he heard from his superintendent KGB officer.
‘I do not think that you will have to participate in military conflicts in reality. We will do such advertisement for the girls to be interested in you. So, be ready to hear relevant news about you.’ He said.
Why he said that? Was his military service a PR invention? Or, they said so for Mike to react calmly to the shocking news that his second life was so dangerous and that life was real? Maybe, indeed, his suffering in sexual fasting according to the religious traditions of all existing cultures was an important thing by itself. And, no other real essence for the legend of his second was necessary. It was only for making full the image of cult that should help people sick with heavy infections to find the emotional resources for struggling with their illnesses. An imaginary spiritual platform may become real if a person does what is necessary and overcomes problems and troubles. The life changes and that brings about happiness and then it does not matter if the point of support was real or not. And, whether something may be real in the matters of spirit and soul.
Still, the question of inheritance for Mike’s prospective sons in the role of sufferers for the sins of others by sexual forbearance was open notwithstanding the unwillingness of their future father. He always recalled what a woman that had taught penal law in the law school said when she laid down arguments for Mike’s future suffering of sexual fast. It was during a lecture for about seventy students. Or, better to say, that speech was instead of a lecture. She said that Mike’s children would not be touched for his assumed guilt but it would not be bad if his sons would also forbear. That might mean all variants. Was it a family curse?

“Real” mother

On the account Mike was brought to his parents by the wolves many women tried to claim he was their own. There was one from Ukraine who then became rich and influential as a politician in her own country. There was even a court trial but Mike preferred to stay with his step-parents because in the age of nine he already had quite a life and did not want to change it for the easy well-being of lesser chances that they offered to him. Again, they found some women from Dagestan who was a Jew. But, again it was too long a journey for the wolves to get into the central Siberia. Finally, they said they knew Mike’s real mother and father but Mike did not want to become a newly found son whom they might spoil by much care. Still, that woman who also lost her child in the forest or somehow else was almost officially claimed to be his biological mother. Ukraine should be his natal country. However, he loved Dagestan best and Siberia seemed to be more real as the place of his origin.


Criminologist

Mike always lived in the atmosphere of the ordinary life in the period from thirteen years old to maybe eighteen. Very rarely, that comfortable routine was interrupted by the tales about somebody who should match his image. The direct questions were not so inconvenient. All these allusions might be allotted to the rumors. The bad talks and cruel imagination should have been the origin of them. But, with the prolonged tales, it was more complex. Mike did not identify himself with the person they told about, as fast as he heard it. But, it influenced his mind and gave the spiritual food for the dreams and thoughts about the future. The same was for that lecture of that teacher of the criminology that was a police evidence expert. He taught the courses in the university where Mike learned the law. His tale where he named nobody was not a whim. He had a practical problem to be solved. His son was afflicted by the cancer and he needed the expensive medicines for him and maybe some ordinary narcotic drugs, natural but strong, to reduce the pain. Maybe, opium and heroin. He told to the effect that Mike was a very rich man in the terms of women and children with some hidden assets.
‘With the comparison with him, the way you have the fine clothes at the expense of your parents while he is modest in his garment, you are to say it softly rather not completely well-to-do people.’ His evaluation was.
He narrated about the rich women that paid their love to Mike, a special program against infective sicknesses that presumed the financial trusts controlled by the State to pay for his numerate children and their mothers. Also, about the links with the CIA and Cosa Nostra. He informed about Mike’s involvement into the production of the raw products (opium, heroin and other drugs) for the factories that produced the medicines, in Russia and abroad. There were also the details that depicted the style of Mike’s living.
What was the result? The man, they said, found the high quality drugs in his case.
‘They say the drugs are of the high quality.’ A woman that taught some course told to the other woman that led the course of the penal law in the school. ‘They will send them to Moscow and get the deficit medicines in return. I know your son is sick with the tuberculosis, you might apply. I heard they collect the applications in the police office. You are a judge all in all… A propos, Mike, it was not you who put in the stuff?’ The woman asked in the conclusion.
‘I remember nothing of that kind.’ Mike formulated the answer that was strange even for him because he heard very little about any problems with his memory at that time.
Was it organized by Mike? They said he gave the money to the women in his second self that was nicknamed Jack. It was the big sums, which made it possible Mike did the same thing with the drugs. Perhaps, also, the man confiscated the drug and made the whole affair himself. Still, in a way, Mike took the responsibility which made the story more legitimate.

Disowning

There were the talks that Mike might get a flat from the State in any city he would choose due he took part in the program for the production and testing of vaccines. But, his mom disowned that right for the benefit of a woman whose house had burnt and who was homeless for some time. Mike hoped that maybe one of the daughters of that woman might become his wife but when it became sure it might be not that way in the long turn he began to disapprove his mother’s decision. He told his mother about his wish to get a flat because he would get no wife.
‘Mike, the times change and maybe when you will be adult there will be no State distribution of the real estate and you may get no flat at all, but now we may help these unfortunate people. And, whether you want that the girls paid for the flat themselves?’ Anastasia asked.
‘They will have the husbands.’ Mike remarked to his mom.
‘Mike, I talked with the KGB officers about that. They say you had better get rid of that flat because otherwise you may not begin to forbear to get healed once you get a flat and can marry young. Then, they might bring you to a laboratory and make the vaccines of you forcefully. Anyway, it’s better not to risk they said.’ The mom said.
‘But, maybe, they would give me the flat afterwards when I would get over my sickness and they may make the vaccines from my blood?’ Mike reasoned.
‘No, Mike. It’s sure the provision in the law will disappear in a pair of years when the socialism is over. So, there is no other way out.’ Anastasia explained…
When the fellow students of the law school knew that Mike would get no flat because he had helped the needy they regretted it from the sympathy and maybe compassion. It was probably they derided Mike as a simpleton in their hearts.
The time Mike was already almost over his sickness his mother tried to talk on that matter with a priest of the Christian church Mike visited along with the woman who had benefited of Mike’s charity as was the story. She lived in the other city. But, the spiritual authorities had the opinion that it was the matter of the State competence. The ordinary court might not solve that question.

Endorphins

Mike did not use drugs systematically. When he was in some military affair like Chechnya and special operations he did use the drugs to make the microbes die. It was connected with very intensive physical strain. Again, he used the drugs when he slept with the sick girls. It helped him not to remember it in his division of personality, not to be fretful because of the contact with the infections, and be able to have the stimulus of the harem in the first self of his when he would remember all. Along with the sexual abstinence or fasting on the timely basis, it was the common practice of the preparation of the vaccines. The time showed that his children had no problems because of it. Only some of his sons had the same predisposition for the division of the personality. The absence of the inborn defects was higher than the statistics among the healthy parents. Still, some people were concerned on the drugs use. Opium, ganja and cocaine seemed to be able to influence the progeny. Mike, on the contrary, was sure that he should consume enough of drugs to prevent the microbes from causing the inborn defects for his children. He was not a drug addicted person. After the drug use, he felt the abstinence syndrome but took it for the bad general condition due he did not remember smoking of opium or ganja. He might recall the scenes of the night or the previous day the next morning but he thought it was his dreams and fantasy, so he never tried to cope with it through resuming drugs. That hangover prevented contracting an infectious sickness. But, before the time showed the good result, there were the apprehensions…
The officer talked with small Mike on the necessity of using the drugs.
‘So, you will inject the heroin and wallow on the couch?’ The man asked provocatively.
‘I need the drugs to be a hero, to fight in the war and to sleep with the sick girls. This way, my children will have the endorphins to cope with the infections.’ Mike explained.
‘It cannot be made without it?’ The man demanded.
‘How there may be the endorphins without morphine?’ Mike joked to show the seriousness of his plan…
Anyway, the regular use of the drugs in his second self and the full hangover of abstinence syndrome made it so that there was a block in Mike’s mind to consume the drugs in his first self. He tried to smoke tobacco and drink small portions of alcohol as rare a small glass of wine in a pair of weeks, but he quit it when it did not help to reside in his suffering. Any thought about the narcotic drugs brought about the heaviness on the soul and Mike felt no lust on the idea of taking some ganja smoke into his lungs. Still, consuming the drugs in his second self after having sex with the sick girls or during some military service was the way the nature provided for coping with the infections.

Enough

Mike always complained to himself in his thoughts and to people around him that he had had not enough women in his life. That is he had not enough of sexual relations with women, love victories.
Of course, he had many women and girls in his childhood, if it might be called childhood. They gifted their love to him because they felt that sexual energy of his libido backed up by his liaisons with KGB, mob and police, not to forget about the governmental structures on the national level. He was just such a boy. A boy of labor and reward. So, he might make what was necessary to establish a woman or girl in society, to help her or her parents to acquire property, get a good job and promotion.
He forgot about such contacts very fast. He was to keep mum and even not to think about it not to blurt out about this secret intimacy to his friends. However, usually, there was no conspiracy of omerta on the part of the women and girls. Sometimes, all was done as a spectacle with big enough audience that witnessed the act. Sometimes, it was even filmed by a video camera. So, such news make way fast among people concerned. Often, in a matter of a pair of hours, his mom knew all. It was business and nobody made any shame of it. Still, Mike knew that to tell such tales was not his bread and pleasure. It was for his women to share with those they chose as hearers. So, he did not keep it long in his head. Then, as though they beat him with a sand bad upon his head. He began to forget it in a way that he had no system of reminiscences right away. And, if he had some visions it was like daydreams the way he perceived them. They perfectly matched with what people said and what he himself saw, but still they seemed to be unreal and Mike doubted their actuality very often and strongly. So, he felt like there was a deficit of female love to him. Like he knew not enough women. But, he felt he had his enough. There was so much of pressure on his soul and it was so heavy at the thought he had sex with his women that he knew he had it enough not to throw off the hooves, that is not to die. Therefore, he had to acknowledge that the life did not pass him by in the attention of women. Thus, his complex of inferiority gave way to some calmness that might be called complacency to draw the point…
It was a warm sunny day of late spring. Mike felt hot but comfortable in his clothes. He was in the second year of the school. He was nine and visited already for two years the judo club which his father helped to get quarters to. His coach somehow got a good account of his sexual life with women. Being an adult man and having had enough knowledge how the sex with dames did burden the soul, he spoke with the other elder boys, already youngsters to warn Mike against it. But, the talk first had a tinge of envy on the part of the boys. However, the dispute got very ardent to the time when the coach came to the place where Mike kept his arguments, two hundred yards off the sport room. He stood by at five steps off and listened. The boys were serious now. They had only erotic experience of contemplating the naked or sexily clothed actresses, singers and models with what that implied in that age. Also, they referred to the experience of the elder guys from judo club.
‘But, it’s hard! All know it is hard! It simply did not get to you as yet.’ The boys hollered. ‘You may go mad because of that. All know it is not well enough with your head. You take it and take when you will have your enough. You are too young yet for that.’
‘I am not young! I am a wolf! A wolf has to have females when he is my age. I struggled with the bear and killed the moose when I lived in the forest in the pack of wolves.’ Mike came out with. He might not speak about his girls’ sicknesses due he might get a-weeping then. So, he said that, because he could find nothing more than to argue with what should have been kept as a secret in the hypocritical game touching his family status with his step-parents.
‘Only, we do not see you are a wolf.’ One of the boys said and they stopped arguing moving somewhat backwards.
The coach moved forth and came to the place. He was calm as always, the sport bag with judo kimono on his shoulder.
‘I also go often to the forest. Whether I have now to fuck around with any skirt my eyes catch sight of? You are small as yet. You have to spare your health if you want to achieve something in this life.’ The coach said.
‘I am not small.’ Mike retorted in low voice but confidently.
‘You are small, but they are big, these women. That’s too much for you. That’s impossible to look on you already. You want so much to be accursed. The boys do not understand fully as yet about that but I know. Any adult man may envy your sexual life and romantic adventures. It’s not for the boys to have such burden. You have to think about your health. It is not felt quickly. The time may harden it. So, you should stop it.’ The coach said.
‘You tried it and I tried it but you do not stop but say to stop to me. Mike said insulted.
‘I have to lose nothing already. All I do is to have it with women. I defend no dissertations. My job is to teach sports in the orphanage house. It’s because I was too enthusiastic about sports in my youth. But, even thus I often drink vodka and play fool because it is very hard. Still, I should cope with my modesty and say I do not have such intensive sexual relations as you have. Especially, for your passion for virgins. You have to study and get a profession. So, think better now whether you want to take it too much at a time.’
‘I simply wanted to take care about the girls. They are sick. I cannot leave them.’ Mike said.
‘These girls have parents. Leave it to them to think about their children. And, the women will take care of themselves.’ The coach pronounced very sure.
‘But, they feel better. I mean they feel good. It’s important for…’ Mike had time to say.
‘They feel good but you feel bad. Do you want to die and leave them to become harlots?’ The coach demanded reproachfully.
‘No.’ Mike negated.
‘Well?’ The man questioned.
Mike knew it was no jokes, ‘I will think over that. I will try to quit it.’
‘I see you are hooked on that. I saw the guys like you. They all ended the bad way.’ The coach said in his simple manner that was very effective because testified of experience.
Mike felt very bad. He said that gravitation came upon his soul. He prayed the God to forget about his sexual experience to stop it. It was informational shock first, then, it became hard on the soul. And, he prayed the Almighty to forget about sex with women not to have all these consequences to survive, if he had to have intensive sexual life with females owing they were sick and he might transfer his immunity to them. Maybe, it was the origin of the division of his personality.

Free will

‘Why you always push the matters on your own? You do not leave it for us to make decisions with you. Whether you need more than the rest?’ The KGB officer asked.
‘I just want to help the people. That is why I volunteered for it.’ Mike answered.
‘But, whether you did volunteer and we did not make you do it ourselves?’ The man asked with some hidden arguments he would probably lay on depending on what Mike’s answer would be.
‘You may ask from your authorities. Maybe, you do not know but I volunteered for it myself and only demanded for the authorities to fabricate a case against my father and the mom also for them not to leave me when I will be through my medical treatment because they say I am a foster child. It was not only my own idea. All said it would be better.’ Mike said.
‘Do not be a fool, Mike. You think they will pay you if you tell on every corner that you chose it yourself. You had better say you were forced into it without any real guilt on your part and nothing wrong with your family. Then, you would get what you hope for.’ The man advised. ‘These things are made that way. You are a phenomenon in these affairs. It’s a pleasure to work with you but I wish you good when I say you to pretend it be the common way. That’s not fully in my interests but I say you that’s better.’ The officer spoke.
‘It’s simply for self-discipline. I could not have hidden behind the pretences I was forced into it if there had been something wrong with the vaccines. I am fully a businessman in that and carry the full risks. I am no hireling or slave. I have the full responsibility.’ Mike noticed.
‘I am glad you understand that. That’s a hard business. I hope you will get some real enjoyments for it. Not like these Western tycoons that lose almost all once they begin a romance with some female secretary from their companies. Still, you should speak you was forced to make it. That would be better for us. Under the word “should” I mean that you will certainly do it because of paranoia that would surely hap with you as doctors say. There should be some place for maneuver as you like to speak.’ The man reasoned.
‘Yea. It’s Ok if you say I was forced for sake of the psychological therapy for the girls. They may feel better because of it.’ Mike agreed…
When Ernst and Samuel had their talk with Mike it was felt that they wanted to get the quick and sure result that might originate from his cohabitation with the girls in a harem style family. For that purpose, they were ready to force the girls. And, they proposed to enact their decision that way.
‘I do not think that’s the best idea. Many people that participated in your programs as donors for vaccines hid under that point that they got into it under coercion. They did not do what was necessary from them and caused huge damage with the side effects of low quality product. I do want to use it, not to say to abuse of it. The same for the girls, we should trust their intuition. They ought to make a free will decision on whether they live with me or not. I think that the vaccines will be much better if we leave to them to get into it when they feel completely sure it’s all Ok with it. I spent so much effort for it and I do not want to spoil it by some precocious acts. I should be natural and well measured.’ Mike’s idea was.
Nobody wanted to argue with Mike on that any more.

Maniac

When Mike was a boy they caught a man who murdered more than a dozen of women of whom many were the foreign citizens.
‘Seems he will get the ultimate penalty.’ The fair-haired intelligence officer surmised.
But, Mike advised to make the exhumation and look if the women were infected with the deadly sicknesses or else would die all the same. They made the expertise and it was so. Then, they hypnotized the man according to Mike’s counsel and knew that there was the certain link between the sickness of the women and their victim behavior. The deep hypnosis showed that in the far past the man was persuaded by the very same women to commit that kind of euthanasia for the future sicknesses. For Mike, it showed that his philosophy of the agreement about the events and acts of the future was confirmed. The court did not have so deep insight and they acknowledged the man limitedly responsible. It saved his life. Then, after many years when Mike was adult he met that man in one of the local churches, they had a short talk on that. The man was alcoholic before and maybe after the prison term. It was hard to kill the deadly sick.

Mistress

That story should be told with observing the requirements of conspiracy because that is a report of the real events that took place with people whom Mike knew. So, there will be the camouflage of the deleting the facts that might have let to identify the prototypes for those who are out of all that story… Or, let it be off with all these sneaking of cowardice and leaving too much of question and doubt to those whom that story is about and who will read it!..
Mike was in a strange town that was however well known by his family. He felt the spirit of conqueror and meant to subdue it in his search for realm. He came into the flat taking use of the keys he had been given. It was the second half of April and the snow leaved the asphalted pavements and roads of the town in vapor and by rills that went downhill. It was the flat of his aunt Nelly, who was his mother Anastasia’s elder sister that had been born before the Second World War and thus differed from the last who was the first and heavy fruit of the union of her parents after the return of her father Peter from the German captivity. The town had been the place of Anastasia’s childhood and youth before the graduation from the institute.
Mike knew that a pair of sisters should wait for him to look after. One was a girl two years younger than he was, the other one was ten years older than Mike and was already a student of the college in her ninety or twenty. Mike was nine or ten correspondingly.
He came in with the feeling of being a boss and master of house with all its content including the girls and especially for them. She kicked the boots off his feet with the feel of a husband that returned from heavy job.
‘Hello.’ Mike informed of his arrival.
‘We saw more “helloy”.’ The elder girl said. She sat in the armchair that stood with his side to the entrance door and might be seen from it openly. She sat as a panther on her territory of chase. Her legs were under her on the seat, bent in the knees.
‘Hi.’ The younger girl cautiously said with the intonation of her subordination to the boy.
‘What do you do here?’ Mike asked politely.
‘We wait for you.’ The elder girl said warmly and with the confidence both for obedience and subjugation, calmly but with hope and smile.
‘I’m Mike.’ The boy said.
‘I’m very glad.’ The girl in the armchair said with smile first and then a grimace of readiness to rule and maybe with a rod of iron.
‘I’m Helen.’ The small girl said from the divan which she slipped off to turn around a little bit and get on it by her knees.
‘What is the name of your sister?’ Asked Mike from the younger girl as though she was his secretary.
‘I do ask the questions here.’ The elder girl said. It might be seen that adrenaline filled her body and she shook a little perceptibly for the attentive eyes with anticipation and lust, breathing more deeply with the go of time. But, then she came backward with a smile of readiness for executing Mike’s sexual orders. From a few seconds, she came back to be a ruler again and thus she changed her roles several times. Mike reacted reciprocally depending on what the girls felt, he was a boss and then servant in the space of time less then a minute. That swing of feelings required a shift to some abstract matter.
‘How is the weather?’ Mike stupidly asked.
‘We do not complain about the weather.’ The elder girl answered with humor and a smile sexual power waved across her lips.
‘She’s Natalie.’ Helen said like she gave out a family secret and looked into the eyes of her elder sister to see movement of the lips alike to a kiss on the lips of her sister.
Mike made a gentle move of the end of his tongue over his lower lips. ‘I thought I might play with you.’ Mike said with a disappointment.
‘We will play.’ The elder girls said making a goose ass on her lips. ‘What games do you know?’
‘He just came from the street and asks about the weather.’ Helen commented with delay. She could not sit on one place, but Mike felt heaviness on his body and especially on the groin, he felt a thirst to smoke some cigarette. Then, he felt easiness in his groin and moved his legs.
‘What do you have there? A cartridge?’ The elder girl paid her dent of silliness. ‘The boys play with cartridges.’ She excused herself by humor and laughed at her own self turning off her head a little.
‘I will go to the street.’ Mike informed of his intent.
‘You better go drink some tea as the doctor prescribed for you.’ Natalie said with participation in Mike’s fate. ‘Have I to lead you to the kitchen?’ There was a fast change for charity and concern.
‘I will do it on my own.’ Mike said and came to the kitchen where the boiled water was ready in an electric tea pot. He poured the water into an average cup and also wanted to do the same with the tea brew but there was very little of it and he shook the tea cut leaves into the cup with the intent to eat them. He drank the weak tea and used his right palm fingers to put the tea cut leaves into his mouse. He chewed the substance and felt better as the bitterness was squeezed into his mouth with his teeth. He heard the steps behind himself under started turning around by his left shoulder. The sacred meditation of consuming the tea cut leaves had brought about the emptiness of any existence.
‘What do you chew here.’ Natalie asked with kind smile.
Mike swallowed the last portion of tea cut leaves. ‘Nothing.’ He said.
‘Do you chew your own tongue?’ It was the custom question for children in such a situation of lie.
‘It’s sweets.’ Mike tried to lie.
‘Show your mouth and tongue.’ The girl demanded gently.
Mike opened his mouth.
‘All is understood… You want some more of tea brew?’ She said and left the stool for the porcelain pot with fresh tea.
‘Complete.’ Mike said. It meant he wanted pure tea brew.
‘Complete, so is complete.’ She said and poured the tea with the manners of geisha, throwing a cautious glance on Mike’s eyes that he looked at her with. He drank the lukewarm tea.
‘I’m ready.’ Mike said.
‘Ready? As a pioneer?’ Natalie calmly asked with rhetoric. Scouts were called pioneers in Soviet Union. ‘Are you ready?’ the question was. ‘Always ready!’ The answering motto of pioneers should be. Said first during the oath of enlisting, it should be repeated always. ‘I feel pity for you but what else would be done?’ Natalie pronounced.
‘Sure.’ Mike consented.
‘Do not worry.’ Natalie said with a sigh of relief. ‘You will also meet one whom you will love. Whom do you love?’
‘I love myself.’ Mike confessed.
‘So, you are a narcissus?’ The girl calmly asked.
‘I should be one.’ Mike pronounced.
‘That’s good.’ Natalie pronounced with a smile of victory and lucky strike. She looked in Mike’s eyes and smile once more with guilt. ‘We may go?’ she demanded with more of sound curiosity.
‘Yea.’ Mike assented.
They went back to the guest room. Mike felt the atmosphere of sincerity and therefore inquired. ‘May I take you both with Helen as wives like Jacob did with Rachel and her sister Lea?’
At that time, Natalie already took her seat in the armchair for a position of a pussy, on her legs bent under the derriere. She was gracious.
‘What you may offer?’ She calmly said but with irritation again which gave madness to her eyes. She let some tears turned away but quickly looked with curiosity.
‘I may pray that you earned a pair of good flats in Krasnoyarsk for you and your sister, and one more in that town for your parents.’ Mike proffered.
‘Pray that it was easy for us to earn them.’ Natalie demanded.
‘I will do.’ Mike said.
‘Only praying?’ Natalie questioned.
‘I will talk with my acquaintances in KGB.’ Mike spoke.
‘That serious?’ Natalie demanded with a feigned but good surprise of perfect female coquetry. She turned off her head a little and cleaned her nose of snotty liquid of weeping. Then, she looked at Mike and smiled of relief and triumph. ‘But what about your girls. You will not betray them?’
‘No. I earned what I offer to you and I already earned what they will get in any case if they will be my wives, and I will make more money for the expenditures that I do foresee.’ Mike said as if he was an officer full of sense of honor that informed a countess of some executed service.
She changed her countenance. ‘Do you know about me?’ she demanded.
‘Yea, the mom told me and also about your bargain with her… Helen will give birth to three children and we will give you the eldest one for bringing up.’ Mike planned.
‘I agree.’ Helen said.
Natalie sniffed fast with raising her nose a little that testified of the pride for her own choice. ‘It’s not too many, three?’ She demanded.
‘The real estate is most important property.’ Mike said. ‘Three flats are what is to make foundation for that.’
‘I took the curse for you.’ Natalie told.
‘I know.’ Mike said.
‘Without that you would not have been born.’ She pronounced with an expression of actress of her eyes.
‘I was born of I don’t know whom. The wolves carried me from the forest to where my parents lived in Ust-Abakan.’ Mike noticed.
Natalie turned her nose left and directed right of her to the floor lifted her eyelids. ‘But, the blessing have rested one you.’ She said.
‘I will multiply that blessing for me to obey you.’ Mike promised.
‘It will be done by what you told about your wishing your own self? The flower? Narcissus?’ She demanded making the same trick with her countenance.
‘Yea. It will coincide with your playing a boss down here and with association with that.’ Mike promised.
‘That a sure game… Only by wishing your own self?’ She asked with interest that implied practical and precautious attitude to what was offered.
‘One million percent against one. And, even that one will be share by very many people.’ Mike said.
‘What do you mean? Shared.’ She asked.
‘Only spiritually by my own wishing of myself and reflection of my own self in other people. Not by flesh.’ Mike explained.
‘That’s what might be called a bargain.’ Natalie said like an experienced businessman. ‘May you play into my hands in that?’ She asked.
‘Yea. I’m ready. I have already prepared that in a way. Not completely but one hundred percent so. You should feel that.’ Mike informed.
Natalie made again the same expression of an actress of highest origin and circles. ‘I will try.’ She said. The girl closed her eye. ‘Come here.’ She invited with the mesmerizing of a boa-constrictor for a rabbit. ‘Here I said!’ She ordered in a loud voice.
‘Come here yourself!’ Mike said with the expression of a mail Nazi jailor in a female camp for Jewesses. His lower jaw came forward and aside, then he made an expression of calm astonishment for his own self.
‘You, fucking cheater!’ Natalie bawled and stood off her armchair to grab Mike’s hair. She was real mad. She gripped Mike’s hairs by her hands and tears flowed out of his eyes.
‘Calm down, come down. He just tried.’ Helen said while her rear left the soft divan.
‘Ok, second double.’ Natalie said after she calmly returned to her armchair. Helen inspirited her with that. The younger girl looked at all it with the emotion of a cinema spectator.
‘Ok, go on.’ Mike consented.
‘Whom you want to be?’ Natalie demanded, now a bad actress, but a good director.
‘I want to be your master, small harlot cleaned by my suffering.’ Mike said getting a bull and looking somewhere into the wall aside of Natalie while the picture got obscure in his sight.
Natalie returned in her own self. ‘But, whether you do not want that I was your mistress sado-mazo? We would put a leather muzzle on your face. It would be funny. I would bring you up with a whip and you would kiss my boots?’ She smiled at that because it was unnatural and more of a play. ‘I would rack you.’ She invited.
‘You may rack me right now?’ Mike challenged.
‘Come here and you will know.’ Natalie inviting for a fight.
Mike came to her and there was struggle, fight and conflict.
‘I do not want to fight with you.’ Mike said with demand to Natalie because she was a girl and he did not want to make conflict acute. In her ninety or twenty, Natalie was much more of size.
She sat into her chair. ‘Ok, do get frightened of your own self and imagine you are afraid of me.’ She proposed to the nine or ten years old boy.
Mike consented and there ensued tears and snots, he trembled like an aspen leaf and begged Natalie not to fuck him but somebody else because he was afraid of the curse which might return on his if Natalie would think better of leaving the grant of love and suffering to him. Then, he smiled and began to laugh. ‘They do not racket the black radish after they grow it up in the garden. They eat it.’ He said.
‘Black radish? Not an ordinary one?’ Natalie asked. Radish was a slang word for ones with a bad character.
‘No, a black radish.’ Mike confirmed. Black radish was a name for ones with whom it was impossible to drive for a bargain.
Then, there were smiles, laughs, jokes and humor of a pair of playmates of different sex. Helen was a witness and also laughed. That game and fooling pranks were accompanied by erotic and sexual questions, arguments and all like this. It was ordinary and somewhat inevitable. But, Mike did not want a completely ordinary union. His honor should prevail and be left unblemished. They got tired and bad energy left the place.
‘Helen, go outside.’ Natalie said. ‘I have to talk seriously with Mike.’
She looked as her younger sister donned her clothes and went off. She shut up the door in a way to leave the mechanism in a way that made it impossible for the door to be opened by the keys from outside. They came to the bedroom and the promise of Helen, spoken when she had been still at the guest room, that Mike would be filmed on video for advertisement to sent to Hollywood for his future career in cinema was made good by Natalie. With the grace of a tigress that was tamed, she put one camera on the bed and the other one on the table left of the window, she moved to sides both curtains but left the tulle to protect the room from the looks from outside. Both cameras were drawn to the target by the girl.
‘Do you know what we will do?’ Natalie asked.
‘Yes.’ Mike said and the blood rushed through his vessels speeded up by hormones.
The girl began to take off her clothes, doffed the brassier and left only her trunks on the broad hips. The place between the upper parts of the thighs was wet but around the spot that made the cloth transparent and let her pussy be guessed was already dry and white with what was left of her juice that had evaporated. Michael also doffed his clothes and only his socks represented the remnant of his wardrobe.
‘Doff the socks also, I want to see you absolutely naked.’ Natalie ordered.
Mike did what was required and stood on one place ready for the action. The woman came down on her four, her face to him, as a pussy would crawl into a hole beneath a fence. Mike felt too much of good in his groin and went back.
‘Do not be afraid. I will not bite off you small pod.’ She said.
Mike breathed out and tried to concentrate on something abstract. The girl took his penis into her right palm fingers and did what was a natural prelude for coitus. She ended and smoothly turned around to get on her all fours. She made with her ass the turning movement as though she already made a dick to get poked into the back door of her body. Mike calmly came to her and penetrated into that hole. She moaned. Mike did frictions confidently, first easily, then faster. The stretched her arms to put her palms on the floor and lowered her bosom and her on the wooden planks painted brown. For ten minutes, Mike did his work and the young woman only sighed. She got calmer and calmer while Mike got nervous and wanted gratification. After that, he got on his knees and began to lick and then kiss her anus. Then, he licked her pussy that smelled of urine. He put his thumb into her hole and licked the lips of her vagina, then got to her clitoris with his mouth. Further, he poked his tongue into her body parade entrance. With his left hand, he gently gripped her left buttock and squeezed it gently. His got his thumb out and his index, middle and ring fingers played with her sacred thing.
‘That’s not for you.’ Natalie said.
Mike asked, ‘But, for whom?’
‘That’s for another you.’ Natalie answered guiltily. ‘Ordinarily, you do the job and he gets the reward, but now it will be vice versa.’
‘Who is he?’ Mike asked.
‘Grow up and you will know.’ The mistress said.
‘I will put a spell on your pussy.’ Mike said and put his right palm on her sacrum. He consecrated to pull the heavy charge off her female organs.
‘Leave it with your spell.’ Natalie said with regret. ‘Do not hurry.’ She said with acceptation.
Mike asked no more questions. He poked his fingers into the flower gifted by Natalie and the young woman fast went on his hand and back several times, with more speed and passion with each time. But, Mike decided to leave that for his adult days. He stood up and again made his job for the angel’s road to happiness. Though, after the space of two minutes he realized that it was proper to take her pussy virgin. It was a strain and honor to labor all that but he could not cum. He grasped at her blond hair with his right palm and was able to grip only a narrow part of her hairs. His left hand held her waist while he pulled his right hand on himself to make her head move backward as far as possible. There was the first storm of the fort of orgasm for him, it was unsuccessful. He felt the pain and his turn-on decreased. He let her hair and helped his dick to get into her asshole for the second time. Then, he put his both hands on her waist, left and right over her pelvis bones, and was able to cum. The girl easily stood up and came toward the window. She took aside the beige tulle from the left part of it and looked if there was anybody outside. She took on her clothes and sat on the stool. Meanwhile, Mike had enough time almost to don his wardrobe. The time Mike ended with his clothes, the woman ignited a cigarette and smoked. The puffs of tobacco smoke went out in fog out of her lungs and in circled lines from the cigarette.
‘Why do you smoke?’ Mike asked.
‘I will say you made me nervous.’ Natalie said with a victory smile. ‘Who am I for you?’
‘Meat… flesh.’ Mike told.
‘A man named me a fruit. An apricot or peach, seems.’ Natalie narrated. ‘Meat is better than a fruit.’ She acknowledged.
‘I mean your body.’ Mike said.
‘Only my body? But soul?’ Natalie questioned.
‘May I reckon for?’ Mike pronounced with much of question and ready regret if he might not reckon for.
‘You are a poet.’ Natalie remarked with some interrogative alloy.
‘Yes.’ Mike agreed. He was ready to tell that he thought of his future poems.
‘Go to the guest room, my little pigeon.’ Natalie said.
Mike turned around to come out of the room.
‘Stop.’ Natalie recalled an important thing. ‘Do not relate to anybody what was here. Or, or parent will have to pay five hundred rubles.’ She warned sure that Mike would be a tomb about it. That sum was that much money as his parents earned in a month both, in a good month should be said.
‘I know.’ Mike said…
They said that Natalie paid thirty rubles from her student’s stipend. It was the budget of that film. His debut with her. Also, they said that she sold the material to those people that she had rented the video cameras from and got six hundred rubles plus her parents gave her two hundred from their savings. Almost all that money, except some expenditure on the coffee shops, she spent for good clothes to make all the girls in her college to say she had found a lover. Hardly, Mike knew what she told…
When Mike leaved Borodino, a coal pit town north-seat of Krasnoyarsk where his mom had passed her life since early childhood till her first job, he complained to his mom. ‘Natalie did rack me.’
‘But, you did not rack her. We have to pay five hundred rubles?’ The mom asked to make Mike forget about that story…
The KGB superintendent said that Mike should solve the problems with these pair of sisters on his own due they were not sick…



Holy Ghost

‘We consulted the authorities, Mike. You did so much for us and we do not need for you to be the Holy Ghost.’ The officer informed.
Mike saw that the harem might avoid him. He began to persuade that he had to pay for the amusement of his father and other debts of his family. It had the effect. Seemed he really was a volunteer.

The confession of a terrorist

‘Mike, why you just do not title your future book “The confession of a terrorist”? It would be a good title. Isn’t it so?’ Ernst, a CIA agent from Sweden, provocatively demanded…
Mike always had the complex of victim. He wanted to sacrifice his health or even life for the benefit of other. Especially, if it was to prove his love to the sick girls. The unanswered one because the girls were not sick with something serious or they pretended the matters were that way to downplay Mike. The boy was tortured with these passions and he wanted relief. Suddenly, it seemed that if he did take on himself the responsibility for the future attack on the twin towers of world trade center, the problem would be solved and he should suffer no more because of that uncertainty which he had to surmount in much of labor and pain with no possibility to avoid the intrigue and make it clear what should happen. He came with that on his heart and in his head to the office room of the KGB man that was occupied with his case. The man threatened Mike with the reaction of US governmental structures for something like that. He said they would have tortured Mike had he done so. But, Mike was indomitable. Finally, the man understood it had romantic feelings in the origin of that willing to become the victim.
‘I think we should speak with these small bitches. I promise we will do so.’ He said and came out of the office room for a phone call or some talk.
Mike could not tell for sure if it was just sympathy or the officer was afraid of a possible publicity for that case for the future kamikaze attack on New Your and Washington with all the implications of the society’s opinion that Mike would have done so to distract the attention from some secret conspiracy. The last might have been revealed all the same though. Due to CIA knew how to get the affidavit from people.

Wishes

Mike met the fair-haired young KGB officer last time. They said he got a promotion and would go to some other place and be occupied with the other things. Mike wanted to have a final inference from the project he took part in, as the result of all about which they had talked on for several years.
‘And, what you may say you wish for me? Just to go crazy because I will forbear? Say me in the end.’ Mike demanded.
‘Why only to go crazy. I also wish you would die from the cancer of prostate because you will forbear and develop an adenoma of prostate.’ The man said.
Mike knew that the man was sick with hepatitis C. He had helped him get a permit to marry a woman sick with the same illness. The man was always modest and played no wrong games during all these years. He never tried to inspire any false impression. The same as Mike he did not like the intrigues because he did not want to waste the forces beyond the boundaries of his work. And, he talked now with some sense of injury. Michael might not get really insulted, he only could indulge himself in the self-pity emotions. And, he wanted to know what was wrong. Maybe, he did something improperly himself?
‘Why you wish me that?’ Whether I did not do any good for you?’ Mike put the question so.
‘I do wish you that because you always wish us something bad if we do not do this or that you require. I thought all should be natural and if there is something with you the people should want to treat you reciprocally. You said about the girls who should bear you the children and I may say it depends on you. The same with your girls. But, all we here is a kind of extortion from you. Whether you think it’s easy to work when you always frighten us with something that may happen if we do not comply with what you want? They say that these programs should be closed up totally because of many side effects. Nobody forced you in difference from others.’ The words of the officer were.
Mike felt ashamed, ‘But, I only wanted that you did all to insure the project. I did ask nothing but the children from the sick girls and some sick wives to live with… Whether I will get nothing else because I ask for the sick girls to bear me the kids? I mean the money you earned from selling the vaccines made from my blood to the ordinary women and men whom I would get nothing from.’ Mike asked.
‘This money will be kept in reserve for the compensation payments to the people that would have the bad side effects from these vaccines.’ The officer informed.
‘But, if it will be all Ok with my vaccines?’ Mike asked.
‘Then, you will receive what we promised but do not think it would be soon.’ The man said.
Mike might not say it did not match his anticipations.


Difference of approaches

Was this question touched on a special visit to the local KGB office or in connection with some other topics Mike might not tell for sure, he did not remember precisely. But, it was closer to the end of the active collaboration of the boy with the KGB officers. The talk was between Mike and the fair-haired officer that changed his mood from more kind and diplomatic than the rest to more acute and angry than other officers.
‘Mike, nobody really cares what will result of all that matter. You should clear it up with your girls yourself. You thought of all that cheating and many people say that it’s necessary to shut up that affair.’ He said.
‘So, I may be free and not forbear?’ Mike demanded.
The officer kept silence for some time. He thought on what Mike had just said.
‘It all is just nerves… Simply, my own wife began to fool me that I also forget something that I do. And, she said that it’s about women. She said like I also had sex with women in the nights and did not remember. That’s why I cannot be sure of all that.’ The officer told. ‘And, maybe, it would be better if you also said that’s a cheat because these girls may apply for alimony once they are sure you are a biological father of their children.’ He advised.
‘I do not refuse from my children. Only, I will not be able to take care of all of them personally. I will be sick first and then I will grow up the children that will be born of the women I would cohabit with. I hope the State will provide for these children from the funds based on the money I earned myself… As for the women in the nights, even now I begin to forget about overnight sex with them in the morning. They say to me about what took place and I recall it only after some time. And, I completely forget about it very fast. Afterwards, it’s very hard for me to tell out whether it was a dream or really happened. So, if it is so now why it should not be the same in the future and even develop in a way for me to forget it completely and recall only after several years and faster only when I will get rid of that division of my personality with the forbearance of sex.’ Mike said.
‘I just looked the other way on all it when my wife said I also forgot something about sex with the other women.’ He complained.
‘Welcome to the club of forbearers!’ Mike joked.
‘Do not say like this. It seems she just fooled me to make refuse from womanizing or play a harlot herself.’ The officer judged on…
The worm of doubt gnawed upon Mike’s mind. It seemed to him that the entire story of that vaccinations program was just to fool him and make forbear without any material underlying reason. He was full of apprehensions that they just fooled him and there would be no compensation for him due he would have no immunity at all in the end and all was empty of real essence. He wanted to talk on that with his main KGB superintendent. He came to his office room in the grey building for that purpose.
‘I do not want to continue on that.’ Mike confessed. ‘It seems to me that’s just to fool me and make suffer to please people who would consume these vaccines of yours. I do not see any guarantees for myself in that affair. They say you have no real interest in me.’
‘Who said it to you?’ The man demanded.
Mike narrated about his talk with the fair-haired KGB officer, his second superintendent.
‘Do not listen to that sickish one. He and his wife are infected with hepatitis C and she maybe thought they would get healed if he did the thing you will do and already do because you forbear of defecation for several days and you said even two weeks. I see how it already influences your mind. That’s not the best experience I deem. And, I may say that you will have great problems with that paranoia when you will get out from your sickness…Whom you take us for? I mean our office. You think we would waste so much working time just for some machination? We solve serious problems and do not play any jokes. You think we would degrade to such a cheat?’ The man asked.
Mike could not say anything on that. Indeed, all seemed to be very serious…
‘Mike, maybe, some people gave you the guarantees of security but we reached more serious guys than you who hid very carefully. So, if you will not have sex with the sick women we will send a man to shoot you down.’ Ernst warned.
Mike recalled about that menace of Swedish CIA agent when he tried to answer whether all the story of this anti-infections program was a great cheat or reality. It had been several years before and Mike tried to evaluate it when it became important for him whether that program was real or falsified. Maybe, some people in the special services were already angry with these fantasies on the part of Mike himself when he had been a child and wanted to make Mike act according to what he had said. But, Julia had said she had been HIV positive and there had been too many talks about the things that fully correlated with what he had heard in his childhood. It made the impression of an anti-infections program that really existed. And, if it was a conspiracy to fool Mike and somebody else it had too many accomplices. Was that program a phantom or part of actuality Mike could not say. To decide it was a cheat there were too much of evidence for it being in fact. To say once and for all it was completely true and all his reminisces were actual Mike could not because he indeed was afraid that the girls were infected and he himself struggled with the infections in act and in fact. Sometimes, it was better to think he was just crazy. Often, easier was to believe it was true. This swing moved in his mind to change the opinion what might be verity for his life.

King

‘Mike, we had a man who made a service for us. But, during the investigation of the police he said nothing as to our involvement into the case. But, after he served the term he lived like a king. I think that is a good example for you.’ The fair-haired officer infected with the hepatitis C who was Mike’s superintendent once said to him.
Mike knew his life would not be a bed of roses.



Duty

The shadowy office room of the local KGB department cast a spell of seriousness to any words that were spoken in its walls.
‘Mike, you do well with psychoanalysis or even psychiatry and are able to discern the real intents of people. It comes out well with you. So, you look after us. I mean take care of the employees of our office. Ok?’ The KGB officer proposed.
It meant that Mike should control the intelligence office personnel though he would work in distance. Therefore, he would be in the interior security service as an agent. His duty would be to look for those who might try to use their own position for the detriment of the State. Mike consented…
Once, his dad frankly said to Mike that he would not be sincere with him because he was in the interior security service of the Russian intelligence office. Many people spoke to the same effect. Mike had narrow relations with the office and the only way to observe secrecy was to create the legend that he was dejected by the office himself and even passed through many criminal cases as accused. Only that way, the due control was possible. He should rely not on the official information and reports as an official agent but listen to rumors and other sources of information to collect the facts and cry wolf in case when it would be necessary.

Warning

The spring sunny beams lit the students hostel room from the left the way Mike sat his back to the wall in a bunk. His fellow student of the law school and pal Chester sat opposite to him in the same manner. Just before now, Mick told him that he worked for the secret security service of Russia and was responsible for the Chernobyl atomic accident. He had said he was going to forbear of any sexual gratification to produce immunity cells in his blood for vaccines against infective illnesses and also cancer and sugar diabetes. Chester’s reaction was a proposal to address a penal law teacher on the faculty, a woman of forties, a former judge and police major, whose son was in the special detachment of the Abakan city department. His idea was to complain to her to pass on the matter to the police on some quasi-private basis to find a resort from Federal Security Service of Russia. But, Mike said that this dame was in the closest touch with KGB first and its State substitute now maybe. All Mike might tell for sure that she was among those who participated in the anti-infections and vaccinations program. So, no possible other outcome was in any reach. Mick warned his friend that he executed the paid murders for KGB in his past and FSS now serving debts and earning merits. And, he asked to pass over a know-say to this pretty dame that smoked much that her son would be better (and should if she cared for him) on vocation in July of that year due some conflict between FSS as a whole but coherent with the private interests of its former and actual officers and the republican police should be resolved in taking hostage some students in the law school building on the grounds of some private business of standing up for a girl, and there was a girl for that already, for all it to look like a nervous breakdown resulting of too much of ganja first then white Chinese as the way for Mike to get immunity when the drugs would kill the microbes he had collected in his blood by his regular sexual life in his second self (he saw the visions resembling reminiscences and realized he was not alone in his body, there existed Jack, the product of his self-hypnosis and regular jobs for the intelligence office), of course, the hostages should and would not suffer, the target of death was the policemen of the special force storm group, the gunfire was ahead, a group of the same character from Moscow, here from FSS structures, should also be brought to obedience to the office workers of this governmental body, people of higher ranks and deals, whom their subordinates deemed possible not to reckon with owing to the presence of the special training and weapons in their disposal, victims were allowed for that group of military work officers also. The main fact was that all it was euthanasia. The people in the local storm groups (some should arrive from Minusinsk also, a nearby city) were chosen among the sons of those who were in the program of low quality vaccinations and many sicknesses as cancer and others already did their work in their souls. They tried to send them to Chechnya and spill their blood on the enemy’s territory to get as far as possible from those kinds of mutation viruses and bacteria that lived in these men, to play, in addition, in a bacteriologic war with the Chechen. Of course, they offered them the dead mission, possible with the price of their lives. There they should have showed that they were really a storm group, not a collective of State sponsored bandits who collected money from local businessmen, which they mostly were occupied with. But, they refused and there was found the other way to solve that problem. To say the truth the mission impossible was just the part of that game. The same it was for FSS storm group from Moscow. What the FSS bosses wanted really was to launder the money in cash they should get from Siberian Aluminum company (which they did really when the cashier of a subsidiary disappeared in the same time with the equivalent of 40000000$ in rubles; natural was that they did not try to find him for as long as two weeks before cracking the safe). So, Mike said to pass it over to Jane as was the name of the penal law professorship in Mike’s law school. The result was that the woman delivered the backlash speech in the presence of the whole same year law school students with Mike to see what would be the reaction of her informer… After about a year, the time Mike had rest from that have dirty job, he saw that woman that looked much younger and of more of sex-appeal.
‘A beast,’ A native fellow student girl pronounced casting a cautious glance into Mike’s eyes, ‘they said he would not be able to stay alive if it were made under general narcosis… How the land may give a place to stand on for such men?’ The pretty female of Balzac’s age looked into his eyes once more, now with gratitude…
What she asked for? She asked that Mike made an operation of cutting out the cancer from her son’s body. Like he was afraid to go to surgeons and played a desperado getting into a bad company as his mom had said. So what? Michael did what they asked him for. Literally. It was his style of living if there was no reach to the law of the Almighty he understood by his notion of jihad. What else might be left for him but to cite Koran and bawl out the verses of that Holy Book and play an Islamist terrorist, while he was not one of them ever?
They said they send a storm Delta group from USA via there military bases on their islands in some deep oceans. Like Mike was national hero of US and they flew to rescue him and take over to the promised land of nowadays. In the manner of Irangate, now to be successful. Ordinary trick when they try to make lose the initiative, inertia and arguments of better trumps for a guy who has a cozy shelter fort to murder anybody coming or running in with guns and grenades, blinding, deafening and killing or wounding. But, Mike leaved the place earlier after his executed the order. He surrendered to the legal authorities to be interrogated in the local FSS regional office. P.S. They said there was shooting in some other place in the city in the time about when that story took place.





Better choice

When Mike tried to make friends with Inna, a youth even younger than he himself was, intended to help the girls whom it seemed to him Mike had bothered. Mike successfully chased him away and the girls themselves said Mike was Ok and no pest. Then, Mike had to come away for his flat he rented. But, the guy might not find the rest and maybe had in his mind to follow Mike or just smoke outside. His friend took him over on his way when they were out of the coffee shop as was the name of that place where they preferred the beer. They stood on the porch and the other boy said something with much passion to his pal. Mike was able to overhear it.
‘Why you crawl into the other people’s affairs? He puts into position many people in that city. You’d better ask him to fuck you yourself. He fucked me and I am not in any damage. I already fucked ten women and fifteen men but I am just a student of the biology and chemistry faculty on the second year of the study… You’d better ask me what is what about him. They may not find you overnight.’ The boy admonished and smoked nervously.
‘But…’ His friend wanted to excuse himself.
‘I wanted to say to you but you think you are too clever and now I say you it plainly…’ The other youth continued his upbraid.
Mike might not discern if it was truth or the result of the rumors about him. Maybe, that dialogue was just the play of his imagination. After many years from that event, his mind was a weathercock that showed to the different versions about his life depending on his mood and what paranoia made him be afraid of or what his depression made most intolerable for him.

Testosterone

Once, Mike’s friend Jack was a guest in his house. It was in the time when they often visited each other and had prolonged talks about the life, economics, politics and girls.
‘I want to go to work in the city. But, I do not know much about how to live over there. What you would advise to earn: liaisons, business or money?’ Jack asked.
‘Earn testosterone, Jack. I think all you want is women. And, to have a steady one… and maybe even occasional one… you are to have the boldness and a right to afford for yourself such a pleasure. If you will have some difficulties over there it will be the suffering for love. A woman will certainly appreciate it. To love it’s necessary to be desperate. It’s to know that you earned and deserve the love of a woman and your life maybe senseless without it. It’s when you cannot postpone loving a woman no longer. No matter what you really earn, it shall be for a woman.’ Mike said.
‘Thank you, Mike. I thought you would talk on some empty things and give stupid advices. What you said seems to be more relevant to the real life.’ Jack thanked.




Service

Mike did not know if it was for provocation or in serious intents but the KGB officers offered Mike to order some service of that office against his parents. Whether Mike was too clever for that and not lucrative or he indeed was fond of his parents but he did not yield to these proposals. Only once he played that around.
‘I want to order my father.’ Mike said.
‘I listen.’ The officer said with interest.
‘I want that my father had enough money for women soon. He would have a definite kind of women and might contract some venereal infection to be less oriented to women when I will be sick. They do not live with my mother so I need that.’ Mike asked for a favor.
‘So, we should find a special sick woman?’ The man demanded.
‘No, it will happen naturally because medical tests for these infections are not good enough… I mean some minor sickness, not syphilis, for example. He just has to lose his temper because of that.’ Mike made his idea more concrete.
‘So, we do not have to commit some special acts?’ The man asked again.
‘No.’ Mike negated.
‘Ok. That’s a deal.’ He agreed with the boy.
Really, Mike did not want to cause any harm to his dad. He knew it was only natural that his father would contract some minor infection. He simply wanted that his dad would satisfy his appetite and be able to act reasonable when Mike would get sick because of his sexual forbearance…
They sat all four in the one room flat of Ann, Mike’s cousin. His girlfriend Julia and half-sister Jane were also present. They got collected for a dinner and talked on this or that.
‘He ordered our dad. I heard they have ordered him also?’ Jane asked.
‘Yea, I do what is necessary.’ Julia answered.
‘But, it may damage your health also.’ Jane noticed.
‘No important things. I will get healed after we part.’ Julia shared her intent.
Mike got his retaliation. And, they did it specially with him. Was it justified? He ordered nothing special of that kind for his father.


Departmental clinic

The way the KGB offered Mike to collaborate on the distance he never was directly involved into any consultations with the Russian State security service. That is why when on a visit to the ordinary madhouse the doctor proposed him to come to the departmental clinic he refused. There would have been no place for the maneuver in his mind and life had he consented to that. And, he was afraid there might be even a stricter regime and he might get into a fight with the medical aids. A willing to fight with somebody was usually a reason why the agents got to the departmental clinic. First, it showed Mike was still reasoning well and he did not lose his fear. And, in these conditions, to accept such an option was to assume the role of a patient with a certain progress in the dementia.
‘Maybe, the medical treatment over there would be more qualified?’ The doctor demanded.
‘I do not complain about the treatment. All I have to do is to consume the pills. And, the pills are the same everywhere.’ Mike said.
‘But, there are the flowers on the window sills.’ The doctor’s argument was.
‘It does not worth it.’ Mike definitely rejected the offer.

Hometown debts

Mike’s hometown was a territory relatively free of the presence of gangsters from the organized crime. Hardly, one might say if it was due to the economy and geography or something else. Still, when there was a talk on that with the representatives of the criminal world, Mike promised to pay for the debts of his hometown to the mob if there were any.



Better school

When Mike had a conversation with Samuel and Ernst, the first said that now they had a much better school and the sources of finance. Indeed, Mike made all to make the activity of the intelligence offices he collaborated with the way that they did not reveal their secrets not because they might be ashamed to share them but due they kept these trumps in their hands to give that information to a certain person to impress and conclude with.


Alimony

When they offered to Mike to become the biological father for numerate babies from the sick women in the framework of the anti-infections program, he perceived that it might be a financial burden that he technically would not be able to carry, being a very ordinary citizen.
‘I will do all to earn the money for them, all that is possible, but I cannot promise to make up for all. I simply may promise that I will work very hard. I will have the rest only to be able to work longer.’ Mike said.
That phrase was addressed to Ernst, who was more young and ambitious, of course, more requiring and critical, less condescending. But, it was Samuel, a man rather advanced in age, less aggressive and more benign, who commented that, ‘Do not worry, Mike. You earned enough money and you will earn even more.’
All that Mike might offer as a sure asset of investment into that project was his desperateness to work and suffer. And, to love…
Mick could not say if he had any real babies from the sick girls at all. Maybe, it was just a legend. But, even if it were his godchildren if it might be said so, all he might offer was his suffering and as much of help as he might deliver.


A girl that would wait

Once, Mike came home and saw a woman that was not his mother’s regular girlfriend. Still, they communicated as being acquainted.
‘You think that’s not right to tell him all?’ She demanded.
‘The doctors say that would not be well for him.’ Anastasia said.
‘Yea, I also think that maybe it will be better if he recalls himself.’ Sophia opined.
Mike knew they talked about him but he thought it was some play his mother acted for some reasons of the presence of a more noble diagnosis for her son…
After some time, the mother said that the daughter of that woman would wait for Mike to get recovered. Mike was skeptical to that statement and thought it was only to give him a false encouragement. It had been said for the topic of the absence of women in Mike’s life. He did not take it serious.
After about three years when Mike already dated Julia and had regular sexual life with her, there was a conflict between her and Amelia, the young woman whom his mother mentioned to him so much time ago. Mike was warned by Julia several months before that it was a simulated conflict to put afraid the husband of Amelia who had not wanted to work for his daughter whom he was not a biological father for. They were afraid he would apply for the alimony from her all the same in the future. It was as though Julia had become pregnant of him and her child had died owing the man had indicated the wrong rhesus factor of his blood and there was a rhesus conflict between the baby’s blood and that of Julia. The father of Amelia said he was afraid of the conflict and heard that Julia intended even to hire some paid murderer to settle the scores by killing Amelia’s daughter. He stated that that girl was Mike’s daughter after Amelia had been gently raped by Mike himself while her husband might not live in any marital life with her. Mike could not evaluate properly that information and realize they talked about him with all the indicative information concerning his second life about which he did not remember because of his division of personality. Nonetheless, Julia confessed there was no such thing as a child from another man, but Mike was upset by all this and might not tell what was the lie and what was the verity. Amelia’s father was an Arab from Syria, a Palestine refugee by his origin, his name was Abraham…
Mike was about eleven years old that time when he met that police investigator in his flat. He sat opposite to him at the kitchen table. It was after they said Mike had run away from the jail for juvenile criminals.
‘I can close up my eyes on that and close down the case but I need some compensation. You said you father will have a big house and I also want one. That was for the intelligence office when you killed the regional State attorney and these officers in the woods, like they were the enemies of nation. But, I believe in KGB there are also the enemies of nation and I would get the profit at the expense of some one. You understand whom I talk about?’ The police officer went on his private matter.
Mike knew he meant Abraham. He pledged for Abraham and said they might stop his persecution in the service of interior security of KGB and now they still asked for the financial punishment for that man which was to take away what he had gotten from the State.
‘I do not know if I may insist on that. Only if he would like to invest in that project himself.’ Mike said. He meant the vaccination program that was very much instilled into his personal life.
‘You bet he will want to invest.’ The policeman assured…
When Mike was already an adult man of about twenty five, the former police investigator for his case became the head of the district police department. He borrowed the money in a sum enough to build a house from Abraham and did not pay back. They excused that by the mischief of Abraham’s son-in-law who they said made Julia pregnant and was guilty in her losing her baby. But, Julia said her child was alive and she saw her…
When there appeared the opinions that Mike should return this debt to Abraham on his own. The dad had the other point of view.
‘Do not even think to return that money. You were not of majority when that happened. So, they had no rights to persecute you by a penal investigation.’ He firmly pronounced in a tone that left too little room for to appeal against it.

A piece of advice

After the graduation from the university, Mick worked in the State chamber of registrations of rights and transactions in real estate. The job was not hard in terms of necessary expertise, only the conveyer type of service was dull and boring for the young man who had studied well in university. The office needed almost no knowledge Mike had acquired in university. Still, he was a State official and had a relatively good salary. So, Mike knew he should be glad with what he had and call it enough. But, the trick was that his boss, a young red-haired woman of about twenty seven, did not like Mike enough. When Mike first applied for a job in the chamber she said to him there were no vacancies. But, Mike found thanks to his mom and her school friends the same job in another district registration chamber. When he came to the regional recruitment office of the registration service, they said to him that in his hometown there were vacant two positions and asked if Mike would accept working in Shushenskoe. Of course, Mike accepted the office and his boss Tina had nothing to do but to receive him in her office willy-nilly. Again, the work was organized not totally in compatibility with the law that required collecting the full list of juridical documents for registration. Instead, the usage was to take the documents without the full number of required papers to economize the time for consultations and achieve bigger volume of the registering actions and more of money in the sum of duties. There were the variants, the registration official might commit the action of enlisting the transaction or right in the State register or to suspend the process of registration with a special paper. Whatsoever, the problems with receiving other documents in the requirement list ensued. Mike always consulted his boss in what he should do before he received the documents from clients and the last decision was after the director, but when the problems appeared he was accused of the initiative and independent acts that brought about the headache for the management of the chamber in her face. Finally, she declared to Mike that she would disapprove his candidature for the next year when the question of the hire contract for new term would be raised. So, Mike lost the interest for that small perspective in his life, began to forbear and study English and economics lapsing into the illusionary world of world business where he felt himself in one step from finding a good job in USA or establishing some profitable transnational business. But, what had been before it? He recalled what he heard from his boss Tina in a rather private talk.
‘I do not know, Michael, if we may offer you a good opportunity here. We do not blow nuclear stations in our office. KGB did something with you and as a result you cannot work properly. Maybe, they would find you some occupation. For example, to write some memoirs. Something easy and acceptable for such a creative person as you. What you would say?’ She spoke.
Mike knew that his choices, if it was chosen, determined his life to be developed in a certain way and the ordinary options were not maybe suitable for him.

Gratitude

On some business, Mike met one of his law school fellow students, who preferred to stay incognito. He expressed his gratitude to Mike, ‘I know, Mick, who helped me get promoted and if you need any service you may rely on me. They explained to me what was what with my study and career like with many other of your fellow law school students. They won’t say that but I will.’
For that token, Mike got surer that they prepared his for a State position and a politic career. They gave him a chance to make a team for the case he would be Russian president, for example.

Healing

When Mike visited the psychiatric commission for receiving the pension for the next year, a middle aged doctor said that he was not crazy really and would resume his sound mind.
‘You healed me and I will heal you.’ He promised…
Mike was a boy of eleven at that time. They invited him for some medical help from the hypnotists of the hospital. While he waited for the séance they brought a young man and demanded Mike to have a conversation with him. The man was crazy and a strait-jacket on. Half an hour, they talked about the life of the man and Mike said what was real and what just a dream and play of imagination. He analyzed the events in the mind of the man on what looked like reality and what was not according to the criteria. Mike controlled himself that way. He studied the man the simple method of dividing the reality and dream by the true “movies” of actual from the “animation” of imagined. To control himself, the man just had to look if all in his memories were real: the forms of the human bodies, trees and everyday things. If all the details were up to the reality it took place in his life, if there were some discrepancies of picture it was just a dream. By that simple principle, the young man was able to get out of his delirium. He resumed his studies in the medical institute and naturally specialized on psychiatry.


Abnormality

Mike’s hometown was very specific for the absence of the immigrants from Middle East and Caucasus. It was so in comparison with the other average Siberian towns. Once, some woman from his mom’s girlfriends remarked that.
‘They are afraid that Mike might turn the romances with their girls.’ The other woman joked.
Mike could not comment this statement with enough reasonableness. Perhaps, indeed, the value these people put on the honor of the brides and the needs of the numerate clans made it impossible for the diasporas from these regions to sojourn in his town. The precedent with Catherine and her Tajik relatives had maybe too strong influence on the mentality of his fellow townsmen. Or else, Mike’s mania to take too much on his personal account made a fool of him.

Frame-up

‘I thought there was an order not to shoot when you took hostage the fellow school children but they say it was a real slaughter house. They said they collected the school building by pieces… Mike, why you did not allow them to shoot into the school?’ Julia asked once when Mike was very drunken and she was sure he would forget about the talk. It was in the house of her parents deep in the night when the girlfriend woke him up to vomit and clean his stomach. She was afraid he might choke with the liquor mixed up with the food that tried to find its way out from his belly during his sleep.
Mike did not remember what he told to his girlfriend but he knew why he had threatened he would have killed the hostages if they had begun to shoot. He needed to somehow avoid the responsibility for that by the fact of the pathological inebriation or a similar psychiatric condition. Of course, he was just thirteen, under the age of penal responsibility. But, they had put him into the jail already when he had been eleven by some provision in the Supreme Court regulations for practice of the lower justice instances. He was fortunate to have run away from the prison and he did not want to risk it again. And, to boot, it was an order of the special security offices from different countries that shared that way the money stolen through extortion by the secret international organizations of the army special detachments that had had the military exercise on a nearby polygon and because their rule had been one for all and all for one they considered the murder of some of them in the beginning of the operation as too much of impertinence on the part of Mike and had sent even more soldiers and officers many of whom Mike had killed. He had studied the diversions literature he had got from the intelligence office by pretences it had been stolen in a special library of the KGB school in a big city and passed over to him. So, he succeeded in not letting a sniper shoot him down. Some time, he held his finger on the button of a detonator that would cause a strong explosion once he let off the button in a case he might be shot. Anyway, after several attempts for a successive storm he ran off the place to hide in the town whose residents had been evacuated to the camps outside the city for the civil defense exercise, an excuse invented by the security office. Until that time, his back was somewhat protected by the building itself which had an “H” shape. Still, the building was damaged but to repair it for the school season was easy because it was built after a wide-spread type. And, Mike did not want to let any shooting on the part of the storm groups at all, even if the bullets would miss him and strike the concrete or windows of the school building. So, he menaced to kill the hostages any time they shot and he did it with the wounded soldiers he also held in that kind of captivity. After the special detachments of the State security office had come into the town and begun also to fight with the army special detachments he just came into his family’s flat and fell asleep on his couch. After some time, the KGB officers that pretended to search for him found him in his home to inform their commandment about that.
Mike consumed much of cocaine, so, he passed rather long time in the bed, about a month, partly because he had not slept for long also. Then, after the school had been repaired he did not exert himself to recall about his deal with having taken hostages and even avoided the talks about that by some kind of apprehension it was not good to prattle on that due it might be true. Still, he restored the matter in his memory but only the events that preceded that mini war. They called him into the State security office and he had to answer the questions. Then, he asked for money they had promised to him.
‘Whether you do not understand it was a frame-up for all your affairs?’ The grey-haired officer demanded. His hair turned salt and pepper in a summer when all that had happened.
Then, they just offered Mike to invest the money he had helped to return to the State from the number bank accounts of the Saint-Michael’s order into the anti-infections program with a stipulation that the vaccinated girls would bear him the babies.


Breeding

For Mike, his maniacal aspiration for getting the immunity against the HIV, different kinds of hepatitis and even not contagious sicknesses such as cancer, sugar diabetes and schizophrenia was not very reasonable, it seemed to him. It was a whip and carrot decision. It seemed to him he was forced to have the hardships and suffering. But, he saw no significant guilt on the part of his father or any other member of his family. He might certainly shirk of that obligation by playing it lazy. They maybe would despise him but surely he would have not much of the real punishment. Seemed the carrot prevailed. He felt responsible for his future children that should live through the plagues of the new era of the free love and these medical practices that made the catching an infection of a dangerous sickness very probable. But, all of this was not enough. He would surely kick against. Even if there would be a prick. He wanted to be born again in the flesh and bones. The cloning was a real possibility of it if he would have the genetic immunity against as many sicknesses as he might cope with. By that, being born again was morally justified by curing his future mother and other people when he would develop in her womb. By that possibility which his wives and other mothers of his children would share by getting the immunity through the childbirth he wanted to bribe his future harem. But all these ideas were a strange mix of doubt, belief, reckoning and even certainty when the boldness chased away the coward in his soul and made his mind reason by the logics and schemes of the life. Mike did not hope that some people might share this kind of common sense religion. It seemed that maybe the other people would use the vaccines to insure the sex and possibly some desperate women would bare him the kids. Only the problems might make people accept that thing as was the apprehension. That is why Mike always pondered over the question if some sound people would accept their daughters to give birth to his progeny as a way to insure the health of their children or grandchildren. He began to think about that very early in his life. When he was in the high school he first met an example that it was quite possible. A woman that lived in the neighborhood and paid a visit to Mike’s parents only once for that talk as the future showed, came for a friendly drinking a pair of teas. She was a doctor and lived rather comfortably off. There was a small talk before she touched the matter or it was more of a gentle slipping over. Not to be a blunt, the question was made in the atmosphere of the kind humor with which the adults deal with the kids, though Mike was sixteen already. She asked if Mike would agree for her daughter to bring him a child or maybe two. His dad Jack actively included himself in that serious matter that was covered by the jocular tones. He got vivified by that and encouraged Mike to accept it. With the juvenile genuineness that bordered on the easy arrogance (by which the youths hide their timidity), Mike said his yes.
‘I also want that Alan grew up your children, Mike.’ Hilda, as was the name of the woman asked.
If it was a favor it was so for both parties.
‘Whether there is a problem with your son also?’ Jack demanded. ‘Ordinarily, it does not evince itself.’
‘Who knows? We would better play a sure game. I want that my grandchildren were in safety. I do not think Alan would be against. I had a preliminary talk with him.’ The neighbor said.
‘Of course… Mike will help his children.’ The dad promised.
‘We do not need much of the material help, there are so many unfortunate girls, and we just need a good and respected father. What Mike you would be occupied with in the future? I mean the profession.’ Hilda asked.
‘I want to be a writer and write the short stories and even poems in English. I will study the foreign languages in the university.’ Mike told about his plans.
‘What you will write of, Mike?’ Hilda inquired.
‘I will write about my life preferably and I shall live such a life and not to be intimidated to tell about it.’ Mike said.
‘That suits us.’ Hilda said.
Jack began to express his doubt at whether Mike’s pretence was a boast. But, it did not make any effect on the result of the negotiation. Mike assumed the new obligations and confirmed his life’s choices. He knew that his future would be hard.

Son

Many people said that Mike passed through all this suffering to pay for the guilt of his father… or mother. Nobody might say for sure now. Mike recalled what a KGB officer spoke to him. ‘I would like to have such a son as you are, but I would not like that it happened with my son what happened with you.’


Somewhat of an official confirmation

Mike was always susceptible to the apprehensions that the legend of his second life which he saw in his visions looking more like dreams and which they said Mike did not remember of in the ordinary way, was no more than just a collections of rumors that had no basement of real facts. But, once, that theory was given a shake that made the plaster of doubt fall off somewhat. Of course, many people spoke on that subject even before that and after with as much cautiousness as was required by the conservation of Mike’s own feeling against a shock that would have proceeding from such news had they been delivered straightforward. It was muted by CIA agents and other interested people, including those invested with power, but never, it was evaluated properly by some independent authority and during a civil court trial against Jack, his father. The judge concerned the topic of the amnesty that was granted to Jack. It was allotted for some minor reason like for being a veteran of Vietnam military conflict. And, it gave the exemption for accusations in such crime as causing damage to the interests of a commercial organization but it gave no legal excuse for embezzlement, for instance. And, the problem was that a big volume of gasoline disappeared from the gas station where his father was the chief operator whose duty was to sell gasoline. So, any qualifications of that were in question. The father said that they gave him the amnesty for the minor accusation because if his acts would be qualified as the gross crime of squandering he would come as the relative of a person awarded with the medal of Soviet Union Hero and get the exemption from police investigation of his case all the same. The point was that the medals and orders in question that Mike had been awarded by were given without the right of demonstration. So, nobody talked of them much except now when it received the practical meaning. Then, the judge asked if Mike’s family intended to use the same justice mechanism in case of his brother Nick who was accused of the intent damage caused to the interests of the commercial organization he had worked in. There, some letters of credit also disappeared and it might be qualified as embezzlement and the legal excuse of being a veteran of the peace keeping force in the military conflict between Armenians and Azerbaijani would have no effect. So, Nick should also come as the relative of the Soviet Union Hero for the police to qualify the act by the minor stipulation of the penal code. Thus, Jack informed the judge.
‘The amnesty is given for that medal of Soviet Union Hero that was given for that Tajik girl? Not for any other medal of Soviet Union or Russia Hero?’ The judge demanded.
‘Yes, they said that that medal will be considered because the other cases are still secret.’ Jack said.
‘And, what about Chechnya. They did not deprive him of his military awards for the participation in the rebel defense groups?’ The judge asked more precisely.
‘No, it was qualified as the civil war and they did not accuse him in the State treason. So, he came for the general amnesty. They said he had the right to make such choice.’ The father informed the judge.
‘He has the military awards of other countries?’ The judge inquired.
‘Yes, the medals and orders of the States of Nato and other countries. For example, those of Afghanistan.’ The dad told.
‘From which side? From the opposition or government of Afghanistan?’ The middle aged man on the judge seat demanded.
‘He has the medals from the government and opposition also. That’s for different cases.’ Jack continued to narrate.
‘You have adopted him officially and have relevant papers for him?’ The man that represented justice asked.
‘Yea, all is legal and documentary.’ Jack said.
‘Ok, no more questions for that.’ The State official’s final statement for that talk was.
Mike did not give the proper evaluation of this information with his mind. He thought the father had talked about Nick who was his foster-son officially having been born in the mother’s first marriage from another man who had paid alimony until his coming of age. So, he even tried to interfere as put his father right when he heard that Nick was officially adopted but Jack stopped him. That is why Mike took it for his father’s premeditated lie and was concerned about that. Anyway, he acknowledged for his father to defend himself against accusations and proceedings with all accessible means. For several years, he did not think about that until he recalled it and realized that was the evidence that all his reminiscences that might be called fantasy were true indeed.

Third base

Samuel and Ernst sat with Jack in a car. They talked with him on how he would collaborate with the CIA and USA government on the whole.
‘What about the financial crisis that would surely come? You should help us… You may rob and steal but you should invest, Jack.’ Ernst said.
‘I will rob the third base.’ Jack said.
‘Which third base?’ Ernst asked.
‘That is a base where the gold is kept in a submarine without a crew guided by an autopilot for the case of a nuclear war. If that submarine is sent, it would drop the gold near the shores of the USA at the places programmed in the main computer of the submarine. The CIA would know at what places the gold would be. I think that’s what I can do to help you cope with the crisis.’ Jack said.
‘Jack, promise me one thing, when I am still alive do not write about it in your book.’ Ernst demanded. ‘People would not believe it and think the whole thing is a fake.’
‘But, I would write about this or that what I did when I was a boy or a youngster but it would be good if I write something of the kind on that term of my life.’ Jack remarked.
‘Ok, you may write what you list, but you should do it, Jack. Just do it.’ Ernst said.
‘Ok.’ Jack consented…
As well as Jack remembered it he was on a cruise with some young women on a yacht. When they all got asleep because of the liquor and leisure of the pleasurable things, he got on an oar boat and sail towards a Russian military ship with a captain plus a death battalion that had to try to storm the third base. It was a regular thing chosen as a punishment for the soldiers who was too expensive to execute the ordinary way. They were two hundred ninety nine. And, Jack was three hundredth. Such thing was made often under pretences of an international military exercise. The people on the third base were those whom the navy doctors put a deadly diagnosis with the go of the time. Even, the commanders of the base never returned home from it. The dead bodies were dropped into a cave under that modern fortress. So, after some time new soldiers and marines arrived to change them. The legend told that those who served their term on the third base became rich and lived in the warm countries under the secrecy and control of CIA.
The USA marines let Jack and the other Russian soldier get to the yellow shore but then the massacre became. All were shot dead except Jack. Still, he was able to penetrate into the building of the base and taking avail of a knife reach the commanding point of the base, killing those on his way with that knife. That let him made it simple and fast.
In the commanding room, he made the officer in the white uniform (by strangling him with his palm) show with his eyes the way the base might be blew up and pushed the buttons in the right combination. After that there was nobody on the base alive except Jack. The below rooms were blown up. He came down and put the submarine on the go. Then, he returned back on the Russian military ship…
‘You may not ask him any more about the grandchildren. He provided for them all. They say he robbed a base with a submarine full of the gold for CIA.’ The dad said to the mom.
‘But, what about the guys?’ The mother asked.
‘They say the Russian were under the death penalty and would be murdered all the same while the Yankee were just sick and nobody ever returned from the base.’ The father told…
Jack recalled how he (when he was a boy yet) contracted for that deal with the KGB and CIA accepted that. It was to get the finance to save his enterprises from the crisis that the policy of Reagan would engender as the experts did not doubt. Also, it was to buy the shares of the other companies in the bear stocks and bonds market when the gold would be at premium. The ordinary Americans should also benefit of that.

Too much of happiness

When the gangsters advised Mike to have some business it made an impression on him in addition with the allowance of the intelligence office to make some money on speculations of buy-and-sell trade. He was happy and it fell on his presence in the crazy house. For a man completely sound in mind, such words of comfort would be considered to be more of a joke. But, to Mike, a bare letting make business without any finance and real economic niche was a great thing to change his mood for being happy. Half a day, the second part of it, he had good feelings about that. Then, the night came and even sleeping pills had no effect on him due to the very positive emotions he had. He began to feel fear he might die that way because of the absence of sleep and the unnatural action of medicines. He had to calm down and have some sleep. The only way was to quit the idea of having any business at all. For his soul accustomed to the constant anguish of no luck and success but suffering and disaster, such a change was too much at a time. So, Mike decided to be just a writer and have no abundance of money. Maybe, he all the same would have no money even if he tried to have some business, but it seemed to him his decision had some influence on his fate. He felt calmer and was able to get asleep for a pair of hours under the control of the nurses whom he had applied for some more pills but had been offered just to lie down on a mattress on the floor. Still, Mike was full of sick vanity and obstinate hope for better.





Business and jurisprudence

Mike made much for the State and should have a big family of many wives. So, his involvement into the business and jurisprudence for big fees seemed to be maybe natural. But, he had many children and they along with their mothers were his dependents. That is why the only source of financing these kinds of speculation might be only the self-editing of his books and their selling at the discount price to the readers when he would not get his royalties fully.

Money

When Mike had his talk with Samuel and Ernst, a pair of CIA agents, they offered him the money for women. They said it was to make his girls jealous to have a more easy approach to them in solving the harem question. They wanted to spare the threats and any other compulsory measures.
‘I do not think that’s a good idea. The girls may feel the falsehood of that and it might make wrong to the whole affair.’ Mike doubted.
‘Mike, just do what they say to you to do.’ Ernst insisted.
‘Ok, but I am able to earn my own money for that. I am not a cripple despite my health problems. I will do all necessary to get the money by the legal practice, then, it will be more natural when I spend it the way I list. In that case, there will be the real grounds for them to think there is a choice on my part and may be a competition for me. I think I may do it on my own.’ Mike expressed his opinion.
His idea found a good appreciation on the part of the agents and it was solved for the matter to be the way Mike had proposed…
Already when Mike was yet a twelve years old boy there was the question for some women to drive his girls jealous and spare the administrative resource in arranging for a harem. And, the monetary resource for it was also in mooting. Mike asked what if he got the money from CIA as an advance for the books about his life. But, the main KGB superintendent of his was negative to the idea.
‘There might be the talks about you taking money from the foreign special services. There may be the reproaches from the Russian the same as from Westerners. And, I doubt that you might find good girls for much time even if you get some money from CIA. And, whether they would give you much money? We will better make necessary decisions on that matter and find some girls. Then, it would be more natural and pragmatic provided you show you are not sick and may attract the girls. Nobody wants to play whoremongers. It should be a free will. Maybe, it will take some time but surely there would be less of disappointments.’ His advice and decision was.
The situation was that way and it left the life open to its own judgment and censorship.

Night nymphs

They said that the women had sex with Mike in the nights about which he did not remember. His paranoia made him believe that it was only in the first turn to make him begin to forbear of sexual gratification and then to feed him with the empty fantasies instead of the real payment for his suffering. It seemed to be more relevant to the reality. Perhaps, it was so. But, too many people talked about it like it was a kind of reality show that every person wanted to take part in. Even, the rector of his university, a professor of philosophy was not the exclusion. On one of the meetings of the student elders, he commented the rumors that ascribed to Mike to have had sex with a teacher of law faculty. He said it was normal the same as starring in the porno movies on the part of Mike. He did not call any names but it was comprehensible that Mike was that guy because he alleged that on account the woman was a police officer in retirement the student was able to win her love only because he himself had some rank in the intelligence office. Such thing might be said only of Mike. In the end, the rector said that he did not see any amorality in all that because that one got the award who paid with his labors beforehand. Mike might not comment all that. Probably, the people were too impressible for rumors. All he might tell was that they paid him with night nymphs. Finally, Mike even began to doubt if he had done any worthy thing at all. It might be he was just crazy since he had commenced to think about the things around him.

No

It was the hot summer day but under the branches of the elms the air was cool and Mike felt comfortable. He sat on a bench on the stone flowerbed that was placed near the restaurant. It was the natural area for meetings with the people from other places that arrived to the only building of the town where they served with the dinner the foreign tourists. He talked with a girl from somewhere. He did not remember afterwards if she talked Russian. Most probably, she was from Soviet Union. Or else, she was from some other country and talked through an interpreter. She was HIV positive or infected with some other severe sickness like hepatitis. They spoke about the matters that would have the practical meaning in the future when they would be adult but even now for the children of the age just before the adolescence these things were important.
‘If they ask you whether you allow the infected boys to sleep with us after we give birth to your children you should say no.’ the girl said.
‘But, you will have the immunity then.’ Mike tried to argue.
‘Just say no and it’s not for you to think on it.’ The girl was implacable…
Then, when Mike was adult a minister from Belgium asked him about his opinion on the cohabitation of his children’s mothers with the other sick men that lived with them. But, Mike just executed his promise to the representative of the party of the sick girls he had given in his childhood. He said no because it hardly was good that the young women that got the immunity from childbirth and recovered would lose their health by the contact with the infected men they lived with because they needed the money. Mike expressed himself to the effect he was ready to work hard and earn the money himself if it was the question. Maybe, the vaccines might help he advised. But, the priest said that it was risky owing to the side effects. Still, Mike did not say his yes.
‘But, what if they give birth to other children from you again once there are the problems with their health? Their husbands may help them grow the kids.’ Was the old man’s argument.
‘Only, they should try their best to help these women in education and bringing up for children.’ Mike wished.
There was an agreement. Mike felt better due they asked for his opinion is such matters. It gave him the vision that he might control the result of his efforts and somehow exert the power of the father.

Secret drawings

The small hostel of the biosphere reserve in Shushenskoe was cozy and tidied up to welcome the foreigners and New Russians. It was rather a big flat by its placing of rooms and kitchen. In the guestroom, a pair of American CIA agent did make all to conform to their legend of searchers for rare birds, ornithologists. All was spoken what ought to be spoken and the main question still hang in the air. It was about Mike’s invention of the anti-missile rockets that worked on electro-magnetism and should prove themselves as a better and cheaper ones than those which were guided by complex computer navigation.
‘Do not translate to him,’ John said to show on a local man that was a celebrity for his style of hunting: he got enough of the game by his tamed golden eagle. ‘I mean these rockets of yours. They delivered us some drawings (he implied the Russian), but it seems to us it was disinformation and they want to get us off the main line of success in that.’
On that, Mike did show he understood nothing in what John had just said. Really, he forgot about all this, so far ago in the past it had taken place. He was a kind of wunderkind then, and knew only the main principles having no university technical education. He just forgot about this which was part of his living as far back as fifteen years ago. Then, he recalled that thing and he knew that the Russian were much ahead in this research, so all he might do not to put in nuclear danger his children abroad, in USA also, was to sell the ready rockets when he would become Russian president as had been promised by people that looked after him in KGB. He knew it was his way to edge into politics.


No affidavit

Mike sat on the rear seat of the car when he received the instructions of Ernst on behalf of a CIA general.
‘Mike, if you do not want to end as Oswald, do not give any affidavit.’ He warned.
Mick could not understand what it meant owing they said he should write the books about that and hint or even declare their subject was based on real facts. But, he knew that he should try to keep mum when the authorities got the interest in him and what he had taken part in.


No regrets

Julia had played her tricks with the unborn baby that some said had been the fruit of her liaison with a guy who was Armenian and son-in-law of a Palestine Arab Abraham, some said the girl was adopted through the help of the intelligence office to be the source of blood for vaccines for those people who found too late that there was a blood rhesus conflict with their own babies and that female child was in good custody and taken care of. As it was really, these tricks of Julia were not pranks, but maybe drama or even tragedy. It was possible that she used Mike as a donor of what is necessary from a male for a child to be born to heal her from her infective sickness by this very rhesus conflict in her womb. But, they said about Armen to make water muddy with his informing what blood rhesus he had, even with his own wife, whom they told they did not want to make nervous during her pregnancy when all that came out to light. Mike also had gave his blood for the rhesus and group of blood test and it showed Mike could not be the son of his dad Jack. His friend, a former surgeon but now a local municipality small politic, narrated that to Jack. There was a natural inference that demanded for itself that it was the work of Julia’s mother who was the co-owner and accountant of the construction firm that repaired the main corpus of the district hospital complex.
So what? Mike drank his tea in the kitchen of his parents house and the dad said that according to the difference of the blood groups and rhesuses of his and Mike’s he could not be his child. He said like somewhat of a pretence addressed to nobody.
‘But, whether does it change anything? I feel you’re my father and I will feed and take care of you.’ Mike just answered to that assertion of his being a bastard.
‘Thank you, Mike… And, I do not regret in any way I took you, they healed me and I have many of my own children now… But, I thought they had slipped me some of my own babies.’ The dad’s verbal reaction to all these news was.
‘You drank off your brains altogether? Whether you do not remember how it was?’ The mom said but then put into the conversation a make-shift. ‘If I clear out that question I will do it through the court.’
‘But, what about his real ones?’ Jack went on his reaction that this fact was now the knowledge of the public. ‘Who should take care of him now when he is sick?’
‘Maybe, we will make a phone call to Julia Timoshenko?’ The mom asked with irony to make him and then Mike recalled the story when a woman came to prove by the court that Mike was her lost child, she was now in Ukrainian politics. ‘Or, else we should ask from the animal wherefrom she brought him to?’
‘No more. Enough. Let’s tie up on that theme.’ The dad sentenced…
The flat of Janette, Mike’s cousin, who was ten years in advance of Mike’s own birth date, was the place of meeting for the generation of grandma Mary grandchildren that were born before Mike. Cousin Ophelia said on the divan. All was complex and strained with Mike’s new Christian life.
‘You say you are a son of the God, but maybe you are antichrist and a she-wolf born you?’ Cousin Andrew asked with spite.
‘Yea, and she bought the basket in the marketplace…and baby’s vest… what was left of it… You do think better on what you speak about, Andrew.’ She advised…

Rosalie

They said Mike smuggled some big amount of the gold he found himself into Spain to pay for the debts of Stalin and Soviet Russia on the behalf of former KGB with their agreements. And, like it was for a girl called Rosalie who was almost of the royal blood. They asked about his affair with Rosalie the same as about Benedicta from Sicily. But, nonetheless, it matched even with the mass media information about the gold smuggle of Russian mafia into the Spain, all seemed to be a dream and fairy tale to Mike’s mind.





Offer

The grey atmosphere of the KGB office and its formal setting made one get his mind into the shape to reason according to the requirements of the situation. There was nothing that might help relax and indulge in empty words.
‘Mike, CIA says that they would handle the matter with the twin towers personnel themselves. It’s like they need no private efforts on your part.’ The KGB officer Mike consulted just before they said he should work on distance passed over.
It was hard for Mike to pronounce on that. To say he would quit it was to leave the grounds for an epidemic of the severe tropical infections and let these people in the twin towers to die in much of suffering with infecting and causing death to their relatives and close ones. The death brought about by the immunity collapse and work of many heavy and often deadly infections and fevers, was very frightful. Still, Mike did not want to have his full power over that situation. He promised to tell about all the details of the future suicide attack against the sky scrapers of the world trade center to any CIA agents he wanted to meet on the eve of that certain date of September 11th of 2001, about three months before the event. First, he might kind of wash his hands of the blood of these victims of the unsuccessful vaccination; second, CIA would have its power to decide on whether it should happen or not…
Then, in May of 2001, Mike met two CIA agents and told them about the details of the suicide attack prepared by Al-Qaeda. He informed on the day and time of the attack, the cities which the suicide pilots would clime their airbuses in, the targets of the attackers, the number of the hijacked aircrafts and the quality of the groups and how much people would be in each of them, that they would be mostly the citizens of Saudi Arabia and other countries of the origin of the kamikazes, the place where these Muslims took the pilot courses (a private pilot school in Florida). All that Mike got from his memory and the clear visions of the future he had. He took the crash of the twin towers and successful attack on Pentagon for granted and advised the same for these CIA emissaries.
There were several clews for the proof that CIA knew about all that already. First, these people felt relief when they knew it surely should happen. Second, they asked Mike not to apply to the Russian State security service due he might spoil their own special operation. Third, they said that all was Ok with these Arab and that they were CIA agents who would be let to the airbuses after the cautious scrutiny test of the best psychologists and polygraphs due they applied to CIA and confessed that Al-Qaeda charged them with this mission. It seemed to be not even too simple but even stupid on the part of CIA, but it was not so. The last move in this chess game was left for the CIA. When the attack was accomplished on 11th of September, there was the version that actually CIA considered the groups that actuated the design of destroying really as these ones that should be the false blow while there was the real second group of terrorists who should make the plot effective after the alert would be over when the first group was caught and considered as only one. They said that the first and real group of terrorist was examined with the best methods of finding the truth and intents. The idea was that these Islamists might accomplish that act only because they had been hypnotized many years ago when they had been young themselves and met Mike in his hometown. The hypnosis was very fine one and accomplished by the ability of Mike to say crazy mesmerizing things to influence the mind and back conscience without the pills for these Arabs but with certain amount of the soft drug like marihuana for Mike himself. They said this hypnosis might not be discerned even by best medical practices of CIA and polygraphs. Even, the advice of Mike not to let these people to the airbuses was discarded because it was necessary to show that CIA did not know anything of the matter but was indeed looking for the second group with all their measure and human resources. Again, there was the opinion that to catch real terrorists was very important in that the new attack was quite unavoidable in the existing circumstances. Few arguments of Mike changed the situation a little: he said that it was possible to examine more the first group and get the evidence against Al-Qaeda to eliminate it and take new security measures. The agents said on that they wanted to catch real terrorists. All that was maybe too complex for the natural reaction of the American intelligence office on a signal about a prepared terrorist act to be natural.

Official support

‘We will support you in the time when you will write your book. We will initiate a film on the one of the central TV channels about Chernobyl. It will be about an intent explosion of the nuclear plant with dynamite for to prevent the chain reaction detonation of the atomic reactor because of the overheating. So, you may safely write your book.’ The KGB officer informed.
By that, Mike knew that his initiative would not be offset by the aggression of the nation for any initiations on that topic.

One more side of the question

Ernst sat on the front seat of the deep blue Japanese jeep. He wanted to show his sympathy with Mike.
‘Mick, I appreciate what you parents did for the sake of other people’s children when they sacrificed your health but I do not say I would do the same if my own child were in question.’ He pronounced with having been touched by the presence of charity spirit.
Mike did not comment that much. No long talk ensued. What happened that happened. Mike knew his parents would not make any profit of his pain from free will.

Ordinary life

Ernst and Samuel said that Mike had to have sex and live in a family way with infected young women.
‘But, what if I do not do it? I mean sleeping with sick women.’ Mike demanded.
‘Then, you give us your liver and we may be quit.’ Ernst said.
Mike felt uneasy. There were no real means of financial support for that project but for his books and all that seemed to be doubtful. So, an ultimatum in these conditions was more than strange.
‘But, you do not give to me any real ways to accomplish what you have offered. I do not see any choice in this.’ Mike complained.
‘Ok, Mike, that’s a bargain, we do not ask anything from you and you demand nothing from us. That’s a deal?’ Ernst put the question.
Mike ended that talk with a promise to try to realize the program they had offered to him…
So, Mike had a possibility to live an ordinary life, but what it gave to him? He made so much on his way to achieve the goals he had put before himself so early in his life that any other style and priorities were out of proportion for how the matters were with him now. The direction he chose led him farther from what was of fashion for the young men. He sacrificed so much and came through so many privations that the ordinary life without the attributes of early youth amusements was alike to a punishment. What he had to remember about his youth and most of the days before thirty? Only hard study and much of work he had. Julia was his only woman. They said he had had sex with women but he did not remember that for sure. He saw the visions which correlated with the statements of people around him but they seemed to be just daydreams. So, if all what they said about the secret anti-infections program was a fake-up, then, he would do well to quit that when he had a chance now. Then, he already fulfilled what they waited of him as a punishment for something his parents did. They said his mom was guilty in the death of several workers having been a safety engineer on a wood plant. These men had perished because of the vices of the electricity heating system. A fire burnt them asleep. This way, if it were a conspiracy of false rumors and intent lie, he just served his term and was free now. He knew English perfectly and some French also and the law. To find a job with the full use of his professional knowledge would be hard, still it was better than nothing. But, what was about his girls who were now young women? Julia’s mother informed Mike that her daughter wanted to hang herself in a speech of accusation against her own daughter and Mike himself also. It was a mix of arguments of disapproval and pretences. To the same effect tried to express herself Theodora, his mother’s girlfriend, but interrupted by her. So, maybe, Julia and other women were sick with HIV and some other heavy disease indeed? How otherwise the act of suicide attempt on the part of Julia might be interpreted. She left Mike by her own initiative as was the exterior side of the deal. She said something about that they had talked with her to leave Mike alone, it were the people that did not want much of publicity but had enough influence. But, whether Julia did not lie? She might invent that excuse of parting with Mick herself. Or, did it refute the surmise that this entire story was just a theater play and the girls in question were not sick at all? Maybe, any continuance of that story in the form of a harem was possible only after the women would have their enough with other men? Mike tried to clarify when the deadline and moment of truth was.
‘If all is Ok and I do what you want when I will have the harem?’ He demanded of Ernst.
‘I should say it must be when they would be thirty five or even forty. We know that you endeavored much but we cannot risk with the result, you might get infected and all the effort would be spoiled. We need the vaccines.’ Ernst explained.
So, it was all of a doubt and Mike had to wait and lose much more of prospects in his life if he wanted to know what the truth was. Until that moment, he decided to live a life that would resemble ordinary one as much as possible.

HIV test paper

On a small shelf beneath a mirror in the house of Julia’s parents, there lay some papers of the blood tests her mother and her had gotten in the polyclinic. Mike took them and read. One of them showed that Julia’s HIV blood test was possibly positive. It would be better to say that it might be a HIV test paper.
‘Julia is HIV positive?’ Mike calmly asked of Natalie, her mom, with some concern and alert though.
‘HIV positive? Where is it written?’ Her mom turned her head a bit left and continued to wash dishes in the kitchen sink.
‘Here, on the paper of the blood test of Julia.’ Mike answered.
‘Show me.’ She asked for the sheet of paper with the relevant inscriptions to be passed over to her. Mike gave the small piece of paper to her. ‘Oh. That’s not HIV. It’s Wassermann’s reaction positive test.’ Still, there was a regular test paper on that sickness and why an isolated Wasserman’s test might have been required was a bit questionable. Still, Mike kept silence on that. In Russian, the word of the blood test description resembled much the word “HIV”…
Julia came to her parents flat that was downtown in difference from their cottage. She was well humored but tried to seem worried.
‘The mom rebuked and bawled at me for leaving blood tests papers on exposal… You deem I am HIV positive?’ She demanded.
‘That does not matter Julia. Now.’ Mike said and kissed and hugged her to invite for some sex…
After Julia was left by Mike, her mom was very angry with him because he catered much to her sexual wants.
‘They thought her virus mutated but they interrogated for her sexual relations and it showed she got infected several times and healed. She says it was with the girls, but what if with some men? You heal her but she played a fool girl. How you do only temper her?’ She showed her indignation.
Mike did not care much for that due he stopped for some time being Julia’s male. It did not worry him almost at all. Still, when he knew his blood test showed he was not HIV contagious he felt great relief.



Plan

Mike grouched much against his pastor Vitally in that story with the train tickets. The last came to the Christian conferences and took money for the back tickets while he most probably had ones already. But, it was not a criminal affair in fact. Many years before the affair, Mike participated in its organization and really all was arranged. The man worked in the orphanage house and the way it had been agreed ten orphans of about ten years old immigrated to the West to the childless families. They were not sick. That was what the religious leaders of that Christian church had asked for.

Porno movies

They said to Mike that he starred in the porno movies with the sick girls. He never watched them in his first self but to say it was the complete nonsense he could not, too many people said to the effect there was the evidence he really slept with the infected women.


National revenue

Mike did many inventions to make the world economy progress, but Russia had only a small part of it because they were all high technology and might not directly influence the growth of his motherland economy. But, Mike was not so stupid as to diminish the power of his own country. He did a lot of the inventions in the military industry. He was not an engineer but his new principles were so effective that they had a big impact on the secret research of the Soviet and then Russian technical thought to create something which might be sold to the West. It was arranged that the invasion of Iraq should be accompanied by the high oil prices to sooth the Arab world and make an advance payment for the new Russian military technology that had to do with the anti-missile and ordinary rockets, anti-radar systems and clever bullets and shells. All these inventions had to make away with the electronic systems of navigation and make the missiles and shells one hundred percent effective. Still, the possible Third World War was not intended to destroy the economy of the West and its allies or to murder the civilians and considerable numbers of the soldiers. In its aim, it had to show the prevalence of the Russian weapons to make the West pay and promote the world production and trade. The way it was, they said so and Mike might not doubt it so as to dismiss, he had a lot of children worldwide and big number of relatives. So, nobody accepted the victims. Mike knew that the USA, Europe, China and its allies would have enough arguments to make the Russian aggression impossible but still his fatherland should have the trophy of the after-war payments. The high oil prices the same as the raised up value of the metals and natural gas which was no more than the result of the speculations on the exchange markets did show that such a development of the situation in the world was so probable that might be called predetermined. Mike helped his country earn the money. He would use it in the politics and personal matters.




Bus company

The gunfire in a building of the university that Mike had taken part in returned into his mind from time to time. He might not tell if it had happened actually. He just had the visions like a movie of dreams. He made the inference it might occur really with much of probability by the questions that they asked him about that and the preliminary agreements with the State security service he had concluded having been a kid. He might judge on this event by the mosaic of facts about what had happened undoubtedly. One of such evident things was what he heard in a bus when he rode home from Abakan, a regional capital where his university was situated, it should be several days after the shooting in the law school building ought to have taken place. His mom came for him and brought him home in a bus while he was in a reactive condition continuously talking on different topics with crazy boldness. People in the bus did not talk themselves but listened which was only natural. But even thus, he was capable to recall a short exchange of phrases between an old woman and a middle aged one. They cautiously talked about the exchange of shots in the city which caused death to several policemen.
‘I heard the boys wanted to steal some money from the aluminum company.’ She said to her girlfriend that sat next to her on the parallel seat.
‘They say they even tried to extort the money, millions of dollars.’ Her companion commented.
‘But, my cousin, who works in the hospital, said the boys were sick and they murdered them not to make them be tortured by their illness.’ The old woman put in the conversation her own hearsay.
‘Do be calm. We want to listen to him.’ She indicated on Mike with a move of her head. ‘It was he who shot.’ She said and hearkened to him hoping he would say something that might have value as a rumor and information for the police…
Mike pondered on that afterwards. Did he ever kill them and why he was not arrested? There was only one answer why he stayed free if he had done that murder. He consumed much of synthetic drug named “white Chinese” and was in such a condition that any interrogation would be senseless because he did not remember about the event. They tested if he really did not keep in his memory all that due in that case he would be not responsible legally. And, surely, he gave some affidavit just after the gunfire was over. It looked much like a nervous breakdown and any imprisonment could be considered as not humane. They waited for his own confession and details of who had organized that and possessed now forty millions dollar which had disappeared from a safe in the office of a local company trading in small truck, which was a subsidiary of the Siberian aluminum company. It was sure that if Mike could tell he would do it because he was in reactive condition. Again, he was put into a madhouse very fast on his arrival to his hometown. There the specialists in psychiatry tried unsuccessfully to crack him down while he just could not recall that very fast. Eventually, it all had been organized by the State security office and they just did interfere for Mike to stay free. For that purpose, they gave their own versions of what had happened.

Chechen gangster

There was a story which a Chechen gangster was involved in. He came for a business into Shushenskoe and passed the time in a local bar. Mike was somewhat crazy at that time and dropped there for some more liquor to stay in that state of mind. The girls showed some good attention for him and when Mike promised to one of them to sell his mobile phone to buy her some drinks and see her off for her home with a certain night of love, the Chechen man said it was wrong because the girl had come to the bar with another boy. There was a quarrel but eventually the girl had to cede ground and go home. The conversation between Mike and the man was a rum one with a lot of nonsense on the part of the young man but still Chechen had enough information of Mike. As was the predictable result of the situation, the man asked if Mike might become the husband for some Chechen girls. Hardly, the man meant a simple romance when he asked if Mike could do it with the Chechen girls. Anyway, they said Mike was the veteran of the first Chechen war and fought on the side of rebels. The unfortunate girl rebuked Chechen to that effect blaming him for staying in the prison during the war. So, Mike did what was necessary to get his reward.

Female prison

Jack might not say for sure if it ever were true or not. It seemed to be real and comprehensive with the idea of his life. He perhaps did not kill anybody to get into that kind of jail. And, what to kill for? There was the conflict with a guy and Jack led him around the corner of the yellow brick building of the former restaurant and cut his chest with a sharp knife. Maybe, it would sound stupid but he made an operation on the heart for that guy the way he was taught in the army. To get into the female prison, Jack took on his mother’s unisex jacket and made himself look like a woman. The guy offered his heart. Jack interpreted that way his allegations that he was a pederast and that heart turned to be rotten. So, Jack did what he knew about the field medicine. Anyway, he had to do something to get into the jail. So, he got under the responsibility of the penal law for the accusations of the surgical operation without a State license. The murder might spoil his intent. And, his plot was based on the agreements with the State security office concluded in the past. His mission was to find his place in a prison camp where the HIV infected women were held under the custody.
During the police investigation, Jack played a fool and claimed he was a transvestite, the woman in the body of a man. All understood that to send Jack into the male prison would be to cause a certain spill of the blood because he was not a man to let the others bully over him. The plan worked, of course, because somebody from the federal intelligence office called by phone to the police officers. That way, Jack got into the female prison camp. He wore the female clothes and sewed the textile to produce the uniforms and other things along with the women in the prison in the workshop of the jail. But, it was worthwhile. He slept with the women for them to get pregnant. It was because at that time the free women infected with HIV or some hepatitis were somewhat apprehensive to risk bearing a child, even from Jack. The prison girls, instead, were ready to come under the amnesty or get a better custody regime through getting a child. Then, Jack got to the female prison where nobody worked at all, but passed there time in the cells. He had sex there also and the children. It had to be a good advertisement for the program of coping with the infections. All in all, he was there a month before the accusations were taken off him…
When Jack recalled it, he might tell it was a dream fake of reality. But, as well as he remembered he had lost a month of his life from his memory. It was the summer time of August. They said he had been in the female prison. He heard that from this person or that. And, when he was angry he often used the slang of the female prisoners, their notions and mentality. Indeed, dreams were dreams. They always contained something unreal to make the pictures surrealist and what might not be called true. But, what he saw in the movies of his memory was up to match the life the way it was. Surely, his mind could not produce such scenes on the empty place and fantasy. Jack should acknowledge that was real.

Forbes magazine

One year, the time when Forbes magazine gave its list of the richest people of the world, a Russian TV channel gave the information about the richest man of the world. They said it was Massimo Provenzano, whose origin was Soviet Union. Then, Mike realized that they might talk about him because they said that the former officers of the intelligence special services managed his assets for the sake of his numerate children. Instead of a photo of Massimo Provenzano there was a black rectangular. They said he possessed about three hundred billions dollar and had the other hidden assets that might pass in the fortunes of the other billionaires in the list who could simply loan the money from him for their enterprises. It was something special for Mike because previously he heard nothing of that man. He told to his father about that man and proposed him to imagine what that was and told the details.
‘But, whether you are not that Massimo Provenzano? What you get from all these companies? I thought they would not cheat you. Otherwise, I would not give any consent for you to take part in all that… I hoped they will feel ashamed to show you a fool to the whole world. Whether you got all these women they had promised to you? Only this sick Julia. You think you will live along on the night nymphs?’ The dad asked in the final.
‘Which night nymphs?’ Mike demanded being a bit upset by his father’s reaction and new information.
‘The girls that visit you in the nights. Or, they do not visit you?’ The father continued.
Mike did not continue the argument. He was sure all that was said only to give him some false hope and motivation to get over his psychological crisis connected with his mental sickness…
Mike sat on a chair in an office room of the regional medical center for venereal and infective sicknesses. The young nurse argued with her doctor on whether it all was a cheat with the story that Mike was the biological father of the children that had been born by the means of the artificial conception. They asked Mike if he did remember about his contacts with the women to give the medicine the possibility to receive the donor material for the fertilization of the sick women. Mike said he recalled nothing of that. He strangely took it for the rumors about him based on the fact he was crazy and anybody might ascribe to him any words and deeds.
‘I did say to you.’ The nurse hoped for the final in proving that Mike was a fraud along with the entire story.
‘But, he simply does not remember that… Whether you did not watch the movies with him yourself?’ The doctor calmly demanded.
‘Yea, I watched but…’ Here, she stopped talking having understood she spoke nonsense.
‘Young man, did you get filmed in the movies with the girls. I mean the frivolous movies?’ The woman asked.
‘No, of course. I almost never was filmed in simple home video chronicles not say about the movies especially frivolous ones.’ Mike said.
‘You have any more questions?’ The woman asked her nurse.
‘No.’ she said.
‘As for me, I simply wanted to see myself if he does not remember about it and there is some division with him due the patients ask the relevant questions.’ The woman said to the girl.
She said Mike might be free to go off.




Fabricant

In Soviet mob slang, a fabricant was the owner of the private enterprise on the base of the State production organization. It was in the fabrication of the clothes and footwear and they considered it as illegal. Such businessmen bought the status of the thief-in-law and might be the chieftains among the criminals. Ordinarily, to be a thief-in-law, it was necessary to pass several terms in jail or to run away from it. That is why the owners of such businesses had to pay the money for the “coronation” to those thieves-in-law that pledged for them as guarantors…
When a pair of gangsters from Moscow that were the thieves-in-law offered Mike to become a thief-in-law himself, Mike offered to pay the money for that, though maybe he formally qualified for that status after as they said he had run away from a federal jail for the juvenile delinquents. But, he knew he hardly was a bandit completely. He studied well, got a lawyer education and even collaborated with the State in the vaccination program. But, for them gangsters it was better to know who was who. The formal argument for his becoming a thief-in-law was that he shirked from the army service. But, it hardly kept the water. He passed two weeks in the army as a recruit as the instruction for the specially trained people of his category required to check his military education.
‘You reason as a fabricant.’ The thief said when Mike told he wanted to pay the money.
Mike had to show some honesty to confess that two weeks instead of two years commonly was legal. So, he might only buy what he earned formally due to the absence of the full essence of the State power denial. However, they did not say to Mike to make any direct payment. All seemed to be reciprocal. The gangsters might publish his books in Russian and sell in English in the black market.



Clarity

From a certain moment of his life, or better to say, from a certain moment in the clinical manifestations of his mental condition that sometimes doctors called a sickness but sometimes a long but temporary artificial state similar to inebriation, Mike began to realize that maybe or even surely there was no such things as he had believed in for so much time. He never executed any military missions for CIA or Russian Federal Security Service, never slept with any sick girls and no vaccines had been tested on him. And, what was left to solace him for a feeling of life perspective and foundation of his goals? Was it possible that he just solved his own problems and never answered for the sins of other people? And, was it possible to answer for the sins of somebody else with suffering proceeding of complete sexual fast? Of course, there was the finance that originated from that legend that the vaccines had been produced by his blood and he had the natural immunity that might be used in vaccinating the other people safely and with much of practical guarantee against relevant infections. His girls also benefited of that very much and now lived with the other men and if they were not happy, it might be said they were satisfied and not unhappy. Was that just private matters? And, if the intelligence offices of some countries had any interest in that it was just superficial and had no such juridical justification that might have enforced the other participants to execute their obligations according to what Mike waited from that. It maybe was Mike’s personal life and nobody was concerned of that in a serious way. There were just rumors and no such thing as any legal contracts of some extra character being able to be put in action by the coercion on the part of the State in face of its intelligence office. Only, the rules of moral and the feeling of equity might influence that deal but these appraisals might be different with different people depending on what they wanted to prove. Hardly, there was any absolute of righteousness of this or that act on the part of somebody. The offended one might revenge and blackmail but it might be only privately with all risks involved and therefore it had little practical use and meaning. So, Mike lost his life chances and wellbeing by stupidity and there existed no power that might judge on his deal? Did the society give its own evaluation to that matter which Mike was part of? And, whether such a thing as public opinion existed? Might that public opinion support the private acts of some State officials or private persons to execute their decisions on that matter by their own personal acts? Was there any extralegal power on the part of CIA or Russian Federal Security Service to enforce such contracts as Mike had concluded? There were many questions but they might be led down to a general summary of an inquiry if Mike would get what he had been promised not only by his personal efforts. In one thing he was calm. He was part of a big deal and he never gave any property to anybody, and who gave it for some purpose, for example, to create the situation of a harem to prove the theory of the natural immunity against HIV, hepatitis and other serious infections that Mike should have to promote their own vaccines on the market for a better price. Or, if it was not so, then, the society evaluated his sacrifice for the girls and helped them having been able to see the sublime spheres and therefore Mike might rely on the same kind of sympathy that might have a practical use. It seemed to be bullshit, all this logic reasoning and schemes. Sure, all Mike’s sufferings and fasts was his personal business and it was better to think that he used the other people’s problems and position for his own play. If he suffered for somebody, he now wanted to consider that also as his personal sacrifice which KGB or CIA had no relation to. He wanted sympathy and understanding in return. He did not want to participate in any deals of transnational character any more because he got nothing they promised to him. And, they promised just the ordinary things which he might afford on his own without any help. Maybe, they helped Mike in some way, but they damaged his life much more. So, he quit. He wanted to see his sacrifice and suffering isolated from any other people who wanted to make monetary profit on that or something else. He directly dedicated his love to these unfortunate sick girls that might feel that. When they did what was necessary to put Mike afraid for him to begin to forbear, a woman that was the spokeswoman for the serious people, a former police officer and judge, now the teacher of the penal law course, said that Mike should anticipate nothing special in return for his act of citizen duty and expiation of guilt. She said that Mike reckoned for too much. She meant girls while they had their own plans for them she told. The conclusion was that Mike might rely on something only if he would be able to help them find new sources of finance. The way it was, Mike was sick of helping find new sources of finance for them. All around him profited of what he did. Russia already sold very many parties of vaccines that might be produced in USA and Western Europe with the same success. His girls were much better off than in beginning of that story. So, Mike took back his toys and would play alone.
Or, his girls were really sick? That would be the best guarantee and insurance of his efforts and time spent on that. People said that was so and Mike might not discard that just because it seemed not correlate to his understanding of actuality. Otherwise, his life lost any meaning and all that was left would be to pity his own mistakes and choices. And, did he commit any wrong decisions? He hoped that not.

Local criminal wars

Once, Mike’s father Jack tried to make his private business on the gas station he worked on. Whether it was stolen gasoline or they just shirked taxes Mike did not know, but Jack promised to sell through the gas station a truck cistern of gasoline. And, what he had warned of his partners happened. The extra volume of gasoline was taken over by the administration of the regional gasoline and oil company for the volumes that lacked on the station. It often happened and there were the pieces of papers near the operator’s seat to the effect that one or two hundreds gallons of gasoline were absent that that who would find them should return that gasoline to the administration. It was a travesty of real concern. Still, it was normal for the liberal times that ensued after the privatization of the oil products company. The workers also considered themselves to be small businessmen when the management became the owners of the big gasoline retailer. Whatsoever, some volume of gasoline disappeared and that one that had been supplied by Jack’s partners was requisitioned by the accounting service of the company.
It was the time of criminal laws and notions in the shadow and regular economy. So, after some time, the guys that had supplied the gasoline came to Jack’s house and required the money for their goods. They put a knife at the belly of Jack and said they meant business. Mike could not tell if Jack himself played any tricks, or it was the foul game of his colleagues, or else, the company owners made profit on that deal, but the bandits declared to the dad that he was on the counter. It meant he had to pay cash and the percents changed for bigger each day significantly. Jack had to borrow the money from his relatives and acquaintances and had many problems with returning back the cash. That open conflict was muffled by the fact that Jack’s friend, a former military colonel and now a businessman, was involved as the intermediate and they even said that the gasoline was his property. Mike did not interfere. He was a high school student and Nick who was somewhat of a former gangster, whose band leader had been killed in a conflict for the aluminum trade between regional and Moscow criminal groups, also said he might not help. Mike had a good imagination and in his dreams he saw how he send a grenade from bazooka into the red old Soviet car which these gangster were in and came to his hometown for some business, probably to finish their deal with his dad. Thus, the story might be called ended. But, once, when Mike recalled that case and rebuked his father for a predisposition for wrong business decisions that exposed the family’s property and revenue, Jack sternly remarked on that.
‘But, they already exploded their car with a bazooka on the way to our town long ago. So, do not worry.’ He said.
‘And, who did it?’ Mike asked.
‘You did. Whether it was not you?’ Jack reciprocated.
‘Do not joke, father. I am serious.’ Mike warned.
‘I do not… Ok, let it be bygones.’ The dad requested.
But, then he continued, ‘The missile did strike the car on the move and from a distance of about an thousand yards from a forest during daytime. The mob might not do it. It should have been a commando, somebody with a good military training. Too loud for gangsters. Who might do it but you? Whom they might salt overmuch if not to you?’
It was too serious to give any comments Mike felt. Did it signify Mike’s division of personality was real? Rather so…
Then, there was another case of similar kind. Mike had a dream that was very up to reality in its details that he killed with a knife three gangsters when they tried to use it after the negotiation for sharing Mike’s profits from drug traffic came to no success due to his unwillingness to pay anybody. Mike thought it was just a fantasy but he recalled he had had his yellow feather-stuffed coat on. Then, there was a strange replica of his mother when she pulled it out of the washing machine.
‘Good material. The blood did get washed so easy.’ She said very calmly and as if of a usage for such a statement.
‘Mom, what blood? What do you say?’ Mike protested.
‘You have forgotten you cut dead the bandits yesterday?’ The mom demanded too calmly which might testified she felt the impact of that event but still was accustomed to such things.
‘Mom, do not speak nonsense. I am not that crazy.’ Mike requested.
‘It happened to him again, Jack. He does not remember.’ Anastasia remarked.
‘And, you get astonished? It’s a surprise for you?’ Jack commented.
It was one more rum statement Mike might somehow expound by the system of his reminiscences only after several years.
The psychiatric doctor warned Mike that he would be very critical to what other people said concerning his life. Maybe, it really came of his sickness that he thought that people might lie to him about such things? Anyway, he was not ready to know the truth. He needed to maneuver and shift from belief to disbelief in such things as he heard of about himself.

Lottery

When Mike was small the KGB officer asked if he wanted to win the lottery to get the compensation for his efforts. Mike said that he would be able to guess the winning number himself and called them for the chancery of the office. Was there any trick he might not tell afterwards…
It was in the time when Mike and Julia visited the Christian meetings.
‘Mike, if you are a prophet, prove it by winning a lottery.’ Julia proposed.
He promised to try…
Anastasia, Julia’s girlfriend, demanded the last how she was able to spend one million dollar in a month.
‘I may afford it if I am the wife of a billionaire.’ She answered. ‘I have all I need.’
‘And, you spent all on the sea shore. Whether you might not do it for the local girls?’ Anastasia asked.
‘You think I spent all over there? Only four hundred fifty thousand. The rest I invested into the local girls. And, they say the bulk came to charitable donations.’ Julia said…
Mike might leave it for all these stories for his division of personality when he did something he did not remember afterwards. The stories he doubted. But for the questions of the gangsters from Moscow who inquired if these expenditures from winning the lottery were just putting money on the wind. Mike said that it was a way to finance the childbirth of his children. The men from the criminal world promised to look after these children’s security also.





Concern

Valero, a fellow student of the law school, chastised Julia, a native girl from their class group, for passing over the curse on Mike. The girl reacted painfully when Valero said about her HIV infection. Mike hardly might understand what was what. Then, Valero addressed Mike himself.
‘Mickey, if you do not have money for condoms we will buy you some. It’s necessary to protect yourself. Sex should be preserved.’ He admonished taking that power to judge from the fact his mother who was the chief doctor of the city polyclinic.
Mike might not understand the matter. He was afraid he might have sex and not remember it his whole life before an oldness of anguish when he would have recalled it had the events developed that way. He began to forbear of sex to get rid of that division of his personality to have sex he would remember and make his inevitable suffering of recalling fantasies and real events in a mix that might be too much even for a sick mind.




Coat of arms

Mike was declared an English baron for his assistance in solving the crises with the knights of Saint Michael, the officers of the special detachments that after having been vaccinated and paid no percents on that credit of nature would prefer to die in the battle. Due he got that title he needed a coat of arms. He chose a shield with the sward and axe as a show that he was a warrior and worker. Then, beneath there was the red color owing he served the State but the upper part was black to show he put more value on the simple notions of righteousness and equitability than on the complex interpretation of the governmental laws.

Contact

When Samuel and Ernst touched the topic of the sick girls whom Mike had to live with and have sex, he first did not understand what was what. More than eight years had come since his last talk with the representatives of the Russian intelligence office concerning the vaccination program. So, he first might not understand why he had to sleep with HIV positive young women who were infected with some other strong diseases in addition. He got some picture of what they wanted for him to do but still he did not feel he was ready for it.
‘Mike, if you do not do it, nobody will understand you.’ Ernst remarked when Mike said he was not very positive for the idea of a harem of girls with severe infections.
Still, Mike could not evaluate properly the offer. They said he had slept with the sick girls on a constant basis and even drank the blood containing HIV virus, hepatitis B and C along with some other contagious microbes. That is why they took a blood test of him with a syringe in the jeep where they had their serious talk with Mike.
‘Will you sleep with the sick girls, Mike? I ask you the last time.’ Ernst wanted a definite answer.
‘Why I have to sleep with the sick girls, Ernst?’ Mike asked with some dull irritation.
‘It’s because otherwise your children will have to pay your debts.’ Drunken Ernst menaced.
‘Which debts, Ernst, I cannot understand?’ Mike demanded. ‘And, why you think I will not get infected if I do sleep with the infected girls?’
‘Because you do it always… as you say sleep with the girls.’ Ernst asserted. ‘And, I don’t mean you, I mean Jack, your Alter Ego, he is a brave man, not like you.’
Mike pondered over that say-so for a moment, ‘I will believe you, Ernst. I hope you know what you say… And, do not think I am not a brave man. I went for madness to get that immunity and you think I will be afraid to test it? You think it does not need the boldness to realize that I might die and even not know it because I was my Alter Ego as you said?’
‘Oh, my God!’ Samuel, who was more wise being advanced in age and more kind in regard of Mike, exclaimed…
When Mike evaluated the facts, the assertions of his friends, relatives, acquaintances and occasional people, his reminiscences that strangely correlated to the information he got from them, the picture of his real life hidden from him by his division of personality got more or less clear. But then, he knew he should sleep with the sick girls infected with such diseases as HIV, hepatitis and some other bad infection. It was not an easy thought. First, he thought they might cheat on him. Then, there came the saving idea it all was a great falsification intended to justify the ordinary vaccines with their side effects and the lust that the clients should feel because Mike suffered. Then, if the vaccine did not prove itself to be good enough there was an excuse that Mike had suffered wrongfully and got nothing in return. It was a kind of empty thing and fraud it seemed. All was the lie as Mike apprehended. It was the source of his paranoia. It seemed they made him suffer just for the sake of jeering. The idea of the division of personality on his part looked like a crazy lie. The origin of all that mess that made Mike not able to judge the facts by the common sense was the fear of the contact with the infected girls. But still, he was obstinate and wanted to go his full way no matter what the reality was.

Illusion

When Michael thought about future destroying the twin towers of the World Trade Center in advance of ten years, he, for some time, received a strange source of inspiration thinking that it was some global robbery on the part of CIA. It seemed to him that, in such a way, the conflict between USA government and Wall Street for the share of power in the national economy and finance found its outcome. Mike hoped to get some smallest percent in this affair that should be a good sum because of the large scale of that. It looked for Mike’s vivid imagination of a child as a criminal deal which he took part in. So, he anticipated a clearing that would help him make some money in another place. By his view, it was first a robbery and secondly a blackmail. But, then, he felt hangover and realized that it was something else, not the struggle of society classes for power. Into his soul, the sobering down thought that the personnel of the World Trade Center might be infected with a number of slow-working heavy tropical infections originating from the low quality vaccines that should have brought about the collapse of immunity system at a certain moment of time which determined the necessity to hide the ends for CIA that had controlled this vaccination and commit euthanasia and prevent an epidemic of this plague. Further on, Mike began to realize that it was an ordinary terrorist act. It was prepared in clandestine way and the authorities did not realize the danger because of the lack of information and no interior edging on to verify these portions of intelligence that they possessed.
Already when Mike was very small and lived in the hostel of the agricultural college, he was afraid that some terrorists might commit a kamikaze attack on the twin towers with airbuses high-jacked by them. This idea was evident by the architecture of these skyscrapers which were vulnerable for being destroyed in such a way by the mere fact of their relevant height in comparison with the other buildings on Manhattan. Again, Mike always remembered how his dad had narrated to him that KGB needed his father to take responsibility for the Chernobyl catastrophe and attack on the twin towers. When Mike wanted to know what was the problem with this, Jack told that, in first case, the nuclear reactor did overheat itself with the danger of the detonation of atomic chain reaction and it was impossible to turn it off safely and even if it were switched off the temperature would rise all the same with the continuing atomic reaction for rather long time. So, it was necessary to momentarily destroy the reactor with the ordinary explosives. In second case, there were already the problems with the vaccines applied on the personnel of the world trade center and other younger people that were the children of those who came through the relevant vaccination experiments or otherwise came through that. So, a humane slaughter was ahead and some sideline versions to distract the attention of the public from real cause of trouble were necessary. Still, Mike was afraid that he had commenced that game himself. He was four years old at that time and he might not answer if these ideas might come to his head on their own.
From a certain moment, Mike was preoccupied if he somehow might bring about such a disaster as 11th of September. He began to reason on the basis of his reminiscences if it could be so. What he might say on that? First of all, he did not search for any accomplices. That representative of Al-Qaeda found Mick himself and demanded if the boy had any unsettled scores with the personnel of world trade center. Mike caught the flair of the plan that had been evident for him since his early childhood, which was a kamikaze attack on the twin towers. He wanted to throw in the bait and fish for some information to pass it over further on to CIA. Did he commit any breach to the moral of the Islamist extremism? Then, he frankly said to the Arab man that he might pass over the details of the prepared attack to CIA because he argued it might be unsafe for him to keep silence once he took part in such an act.
‘You may do that.’ The man pronounced. ‘We also do not want to be so perfidious and begin a war without any declaration of it. No doubt, USA will revenge that very cruelly on the Arab world. So, you may say we prepare that and let Allah judge on that. If they believe and prevent that, it will not be the will of Almighty. If they do not believe let it be the will of Him for that.’
Why Mike had such a good understanding with the Arab emissary? He did not dissimulate in any way that he would take any part in that only by reasons of saving New York and other population of USA against the epidemic that threatened America because of the vaccination of the WTC staff that turned out to be so bad. And, it was about 1989 AD. So, there was no imminent danger for the conspiracy to be disclosed. It all seemed to be just intentions without any real essence of practicability. But, what was first? Mick admitted that he wanted to commit the vengeance for his fate against the government of USA that bought the vaccines produced from his blood. CIA ordered his suffering while WTC personnel were the direct customers because of the urgent necessity for putting right the problem with their immunity system by any accessible means. He knew he would suffer for that but had no equivalent compensation. The Arab representative came to the topic of terrorism by what he knew about Mike’s fortune. Was that vaccination program imaginary or not nobody might tell for sure from the first impression. Even, Mick himself did not know at the moment if it was a play or something actual. So, Mike said that he wanted to become a pilot of airbus and lead it to strike one of the twin towers. But, he knew he would be crazy and might not be admitted to be a pilot. For most of time when he pondered on that he was sure that the only way for him to survive against slow working microbes having adapted to the ordinary medicines was to forbear of sexual satisfaction and go crazy. Even if he did not believe in that which he rather wanted KGB would force him in doing so. Thus, he said to the Arab.
By and by, Mick was able to get to know all the details of the future September 11th attack. It was possible because he helped to elaborate that plan that was easy to create. When Mike had said that he had wanted to be a kamikaze the Arab had said that they thought on that only the Empire State Building had withstood the collision with an airplane. Having known that the attack was already in question and most probably should be accomplished, he began to advise the Islamist how it was better to make such an attack. Still, Mike was just an intermediary between Al-Qaeda and CIA. His future collaboration with the USA intelligence office in passing over the details of the future attacks had to be a declaration of war to give more legitimacy if it were possible to the terrorist act.
As soon as Mike knew about the details of the September 11th attack he communicated that data to the local KGB office on a personal visit. The KGB officer did not want to assume any responsibility for that if it were possible, for himself personally or for KGB and Soviet Russia generally.
‘There is an instruction that the agents are not allowed to discuss any details of future terrorist acts with the extremists even if that’s for collecting the evidence and catching the terrorists with enough of proofs for the crime to be evaluated by the relevant authority. But, you did not know that.’ He appraised what Mick had done.
Did that stipulation exist or not, Mike did not know. But, he wanted to prevent the victims. Even if the kamikazes were caught red-handed by some agents in airbuses or airports, Al-Qaeda would achieve its goal with less of damage to USA and Arab world reciprocally. It would show it had enough courage and skills as a subversive organization to get more of influence and finance in Islamic countries while CIA would not eliminate it totally which was not completely acceptable to the Muslim terrorists with all their fanatic doctrine. Therefore, the arrest of suicide pilots in an attempt or preparation stage of their attack was not to substitute any guilt on Mike with the fundamentalists.
Then, KGB, in its highest ranks that had been achieved by that case, decided that Mike should tell about that prospective event to some CIA agents personally. The formulation of that was strange.
‘We want to disclose you as an agent for that case.’ The KGB officer informed.
After some arranged time, more than three months beforehand, Mike communicated to a pair of CIA agents the details of the attack on New York and Washington. He knew they were the CIA agents due some women who were journalist told to the American nation that CIA had enough detailed information about the attack. And, he knew these women meant him because it was said that the source of information was reliable enough because reported to the intelligence offices of different countries about many past terrorist acts including Chernobyl. That might be said only about Mike. Thus, he knew he did what was necessary.
It was complex for Mike to give adequate evaluation to the position of CIA in that. Surely, it was not according to the common sense of ordinary American citizens. Whether he knew too much or had too many fantasies he had the feeling that CIA specially admitted that. He recalled one question having been put by CIA agent.
‘Ok, Mike, you are our boss. What we have to do?’ The agent demanded.
‘They say that they beat the clever ones in the places when they laugh about the fools. So, it would be most suitable for you to pretend you did not believe that.’ Mike advised.
Of course, Mike’s mind was not in a good shape then, but still he did what was necessary. It did not cost much effort and time to verify the information. And, Michael hardly produced the impression of a crazy man in that time. However, what happened that happened.
In that entire story, Mike had to maneuver between the interests of Islamic extremists, CIA and KGB. He got the rather obligatory advices and wishes from KGB the same.
‘I do not advise you to endeavor too much in ruining the plans of Islamists. They might revenge you for that. No matter what they say now. If you were a special agent instilled into a criminal organization, it would be the other way around, but they trusted you as a private person… You tell CIA what you should tell but if they believe… Rihard Zorgue is a good example for you. He communicated about the prepared war with Nazi Germany and is now a national hero even if Stalin did not believe that. But, was Stalin so stupid and not-pragmatic really or acted so intentionally having played his own game? At least, Zorgue did not determine the acts of the Chief by too many efforts. Do the same.’ The KGB officer, who usually was occupied with Mike, said.
Still, Mike tried to persuade CIA in the reality of the intents of Al-Qaeda risking the wrath of Islamists and misunderstanding of the Russian.




Impressions

Mike was in the kitchen of Julia’s flat her parents’ property which they let her to live in. Her girlfriend Anastasia was a guest. They had a strange talk and first Mike thought it was for to fool him, but after many years it began to make sense with him. They sat all three at the table on the stools.
‘Mike tied me up and had it with me. I had the cum about forty times maybe.’ Anastasia told. ‘He put me on my toes.’
‘Do not bend the stick too much.’ Julia commented.
‘I say you.’ Anastasia assured.
‘Mike Badik?’ Mike tried to guess.
‘Badik?’ Anastasia asked for it to be made more precise. ‘Whether we have another Mike?’
‘Imagine he is jealous for me on that point. He thinks I cheated him with Badik. He simply does not remember.’ Julia confessed.
Anastasia laughed in a manner of a girl that tried to look more impressive. But, it was genuine or else Mike just interpreted it that way while such a loud reaction was only natural.
‘Normally!.. I believe somebody might put Badik on the toes instead…’ The girl had a second as a pause, then continued to share her experience with Julia. ‘I hollered because I was afraid when he came to the kitchen. I thought it was for a knife. I was tied and might think anyway. But, he gagged me up.’
‘What he did it with?’ Julia asked. ‘With a rag?’
‘What they gag a woman with if there is nothing in the hands. It was not a rag.’ Anastasia told. ‘I think I will not give the way to anybody even if I will live on the water and bread now.’
‘But, I don’t live so bad. Whether I do? I think you will also be well off.’ Julia had her opinion.
‘Yea. I already got for that what I wanted. But, I cannot do it so frequently as you do with him. I cannot earn like the street girls. My body is not fit for it.’ Anastasia said.
‘You think they work so intensively as I do?’ Julia asked. ‘I demanded and they said they are really far from it… Do you want to have it now for us both with him?’
‘I cannot. David would get jealous.’ The girl said.
‘Whether he does not know?’ Julia questioned.
‘He does but he is not jealous that way.’ Her girlfriend said. ‘And, I do not want for him to tell tales.’ She showed to Mike with her eyes.
‘You think he will not recall it and understand it took place really?’ Julia asked with something of a reproach.
‘I think that’s enough, Julia. We did not agree that way.’ Anastasia said. ‘I would not be able to get rid of him after that maybe and I am not made of that dough.’
‘You do it with David the regular way?’ Julia asked to switch on something else to talk about.
‘No, I do it like that.’ Anastasia said and showed the motion of fucking somebody. ‘The way it was between you and Dobrovolsky.’
‘And, he asks nothing of the kind?’ Julia asked her girlfriend.
‘What could I offer him? That’s not secure… He says about some harlots, like he would come to the whores.’
‘And, what they say about the way you contracted it? It was from me?’ Julia demanded.
‘Whether it was something between us? Do not say it before Mike… I had it long ago since my childhood. I think it was the vaccination or something else of the medical origin.’ Anastasia said.
They talked more and Mike was not a complete fool. He realized they talked about his sexual liaison with Anastasia. But, he thought it was just thought of to play a stupid game on him. Then, when he began to be more sober and realize it really had taken place, the paranoia still influenced him very much to have a certain doubt at the talks of these girlfriends. But, then, he might tell he really had sex with Anastasia the same as with many girls, women and even boys and the passive partners besides Julia. That was only natural along the way of his search for the good immunity to have the harem of the sick girls. He could not forget the words of the annoyance of the part of Julia’s mother Natalie.
‘I thought he led to you only her girlfriends, but she brought half the town to you and not only the town.’ The words of the woman were.

Indicator

Sunlight penetrating to the room from the window behind Mike’s back lit the figure of the blond captain that sat opposite to him.
‘We had a counsel and you should get infected with trihomonadas, Mike.’ He said forthwith.
First, Mike might not properly evaluate the idea. This infection did not develop any problems with male potency usually but still it was not welcome because it might damage organism all the same. If that infection did live in the body for long there might be the problems with the condition of sexual organs. And, it seemed to be strange because Mike should have a good libido to realize his immunity.
‘That’s the order of Political Bureau?’ Mike demanded with irony.
The officer rebuked the boy for his too bold humor that mixed the highest governmental body of Soviet Union with his sexual infections.
‘That will be an indicator for us. The medical science says that the human body may have some immunity against that sexual infection. We consulted the specialists and they say that the immunity for different infections correlate to one another. So, if you will have the immunity against trihomonadas, it will show that the matters with HIV, hepatitis and other contagious illnesses are Ok. If your efforts to kill and weaken the microbes of any kinds in your body will be serious, then, trihomonadas should be very weakened and die after some time following the penetration into the organism of women that will bear you children provided all is Ok. And, they will be infected by the process of fertilization. And, if they are infected it will show that you are really the progenitor for their children. Taking into consideration that fertilization will take place abroad we should insure us this way against a possibility for these women to get pregnant of somebody else and afterwards cry wolf when there would not be a good result and the child would be sick. But, if the trihomonadas die after some time, it will show that there have been no cheat and you are the real biological father. In addition, it will be a good vaccination also and show that the babes should be sound because of the inborn immunity. So, we need such an indicator as trihomonadas. And, chronic trihomanadas are also dangerous for women, so it will be good if they get the immunity against that infection or get healed of it. When the women see that such a miracle happened with that infection they will be sure that all will be Ok with other stronger illnesses. That’s necessary for them to peacefully carry over babies.’ The officer explained.
Mike knew that he might say nothing against that necessity for him to get infected with that sickness also. All wanted to play it safe and have the surety that the children would not get sick in large scale when the fertilization would be in the level of the production numbers. So, he had to comply with that…
The Belgium preacher told to his interpreter about all what he heard from an officer of the national security of his country. And, not only from him but also from many people that got touched with all it this way or that. He came to a piquant detail of the fertilization of the women in the program where Mike was the producer of donor material (sperm).
‘After the fertilization they tested the pregnant women and it showed that they were infected with trihomonadas. Seemed there should be a scandal because this sickness is very inconvenient and even damaging, but the doctors said all was normal and after a pair of weeks they repeated the tests and all was Ok with them. It made the hope reside in many hearts. Otherwise, the abortions might occur. Many young women were nervous at what the results would be. That made them calm down.’ The old man narrated.
Mike was at that moment in a condition that he hardly realized they talked about him something special due in his sick imagination he traveled in time and space visiting the BC ages and other planets. Otherwise, it could be shocking news for him because he did not remember much what he did. Even when weeks and months disappeared from his personal calendar his mind was able to play it around in a way not to pay much attention to it. So, to lose a day or a pair of days was natural for him, not to say about one or two hours in the nights when the sick women visited him. However, it might not continue his whole life. There was the question if he would be bold enough to really live with several HIV positive women. So, that division of personality should discontinue for Mike to prefer the ordinary sexual impressions and emotions instead of dreams he felt to be actual. That is why that sexual infection had another purpose. It should cause a soft inflammation to his prostate and other sexual organs to develop a weak sickness of urethra when he would urinate frequently in nights, especially after the sexual contacts with women in his second self, to make it impossible for the personality division to take force but to diminish. The absence of the sex with women in his second self should make him desperate to venture cohabiting with the infected women.

Instructions

‘Mike they put on you so much value because you do exactly what they say you to.’ Ernst said to Mike during their talk.
Mike knew it was right because there were always many consultations with him in the past and decisions from the upper ranks that required much of time and effort to think on. That is why to execute the instructions was to be successful.



Euthanasia

Mike sometimes took part in killing somebody for euthanasia. His profile was not the sick with cancer or something else. His specialization was those who would certainly die because of immunity system collapse as the result of the low quality vaccination against a bunch of infections. But, he was not keen on that. He participated in the conspiracy because the future victims threatened his future progeny or their mothers. It was self-defense. He had no official duty to be occupied with that. However, he was always ready to pay to such people for a better life before the death to have less of reasons to blame him. Even, the gangsters, who had a strong feeling for the equity in what the State or some private person made, asked Mike why he did so. Mike answered that first he took no considerable steps to kill anybody just on his own and they would dispose of such people even without him, second he wanted to avoid a private revenge to him while he had a lot of children. Mike was to murder deadly sick ones because he did not want to listen much against his own efforts for good quality vaccinations.
‘Seems you are a kind of mafia and kill one another only.’ A KGB officer joked once.
It was true. The rules of survival were crueler in the world where the suffering of ones was the payment for the lust of others.


Executors

Michael was concerned with the ratio of his own difficulties proceeding from his future many years complete sexual fast and the security of free love that the clients of vaccinations program would get. Such vaccines were a credit of nature sometimes. Infections penetrated into organism and due to the absence of genuine immunity which would have originated from the interior resources of human body itself, the subtle forms of contagious diseases did develop. Taking into consideration that the security offices that coordinated these programs wanted to achieve the goals of national safety against epidemics or the appliance of bacteriological weaponry, the vaccines against tropical infections were used collaterally to the ordinary vaccines for such illnesses as hepatitis or HIV. The multi-infections vaccines of bad quality might lead to the collapse of immunity system when the balance of microbes and antibodies would be broken and the organism would be attacked by many strong fevers that would be accustomed to ordinary medicines while the resources of human being in question would be exhausted.
Mike knew about this rule of equity for such business as the profit on somebody else’s suffering which represented vaccination. He knew that this fairness, that the nature itself established, and the God might not be cheated out of His righteousness, dictated for his own interests to be observed by the society and State. And, what he wanted? He wanted to have children from the girls vaccinated in the program. It would hedge the risks for the bad effects of the vaccination, the payment for easy approach to free love sex for the infected ones and those who aspired to avoid getting infected. It was for the sick girls. But, for the sound people that took part in it for the safety of regular sex with many and often changed partners, Mike could offer the cross-breeding of children. For that purpose, Mike also should have a harem of sick women whom he should cohabit in marital life with for the better quality vaccines to be produced. The last were necessary to make away with the bad effects of previous vaccinations and ensure more positive effect for new vaccinations of other people. Also, it might be used in the therapy of infections for the people that were already sick.
Mike knew he was responsible for what he did and he wanted that the natural guarantees against bad side-effects were observed, the same as his naturals wants. Once, he raised that question in a conversation with the KGB officer that had business with his usually.
‘We are just the executors. But, there are those who ordered all that. The same would suffer if there were any trouble with the vaccines. As for us, we would just destroy all the documentation and abolish all evidence of the program in that case.’ He said.
Mike knew that he had no arguments against such a position and he gave no comments to that statement.


Distribution

Mike had the financial funds and trusts that were intended to provide for his children and their mothers. Then, he disowned these enterprises for the benefit of his dependents. Once, a Swede named Ernst, a CIA agent, asked Mike how to distribute that money.
‘When we lived during socialism all got the same salaries but the goods were scarce. That is why all was shared by the pull. If a man was respected his wife might buy the good boots and walk in them in the streets. The other did not have such possibility.’ Mike told.
‘That’s a good example.’ Samuel, another Swedish CIA agent, commented.
‘So, you do not want any direct payments?’ Ernst asked.
‘I am not against paying some cash if there is of it. But, it should not be showed in the papers it’s my money.’ Mike explained.
There were no more questions on that topic.






Change
(Drunken verse)

You were full of proud
You were sure of yourself
Used you to dominate the crowd
Like a stylish dame hat on a high shelf
That looks upon the worn shoes
You emanated the success of charm
A stone which rolled little and gathered moss
Your beauty was of a new brand, no darn
You were a goddess in your world
But, I imagine myself to be of fate a lord
What was the source of my courage?
That made me simple for a talk with you
Whether I have in my soul something due?
Except the crazy reasoning garbage.
Still, I went forward to shake you out
From your cozy shell; soft, not loud
What is your fortune, your wealth?
Only your beautiful looks and maybe young heart
You were a queen, though of a small kingdom
What did I? Just played my ding dong
And, it was out of the tune of your music
I struck my axe upon your pine and it began to leak
With tears of the juice of life
Your tower seemed to be undemolishable
It was senseless into the depth of your eyes to dive
What could I offer but a fable?
No money, no job, no agreement with the rules of existence
That makes your life an enjoyment
To that realm of peace, came I whence?
I tasted your golden coin and made a dent
Deep enough to evoke something in your heart
Was your vessel filled with crystal water of a mountain rivulet?
Was your soul a pure well?
Your fruit was ripe enough and smart
Your Champaign always played and found outlet
The acid of my love made your fresh milk sour
Did my heart keep fire to make it curdle?
Is there any hope for a tasty cheese?
My atmosphere was too harsh for that flower
Is there any secret, any riddle?
I was no tornado, no strong wind, just a breeze
What made your water stale?
Whether I did shake up some residue?
From the bottom of your substance
Why did your power of prettiness fail?
I made no speech, I spoke words few
I stopped that gracious dance
And, cast over the veil
And, now, your tree is eaten of mildew
What I committed to bring about such a disbalance?
I made you out long before
I visited your DVD’s shop, don’t know for
Your beauty should have been the pledge of your happiness
You were accustomed to accept for more not less
Your soft smile did deride any challenger
That might dare to attempt on you
Your sex-appeal implied a danger
To be mocked and jeered at to rue
The boldness of the first step
You did not know how to accept wooing but to reject
And, any newcomer would weigh his hap
To often just pass by to risk no neglect
The same, it was with me
When I asked for a date
You said you were not free
And, had a husband or a steady bed mate
Again, I was crazy, had this devil’s drive
I believed that I indeed was a writer and a poet
I promised to make an actress of that young woman
To write scenario I intended
Some gift a star or the moon
But I spoke I might give her Hollywood, and soon
What could I offer else?
The life did not spoil me by its favors
Wherefrom I might get common sense?
When the fate played always on my nerves
With women I did know no such thing as success
About life channels I should say even less
My native language was Russian and I studied English
With that I hoped to catch more of fish
In the muddy waters of jurisprudence and literature
With that I came for your splendid features
But you pronounced your no
Which is my oldest and strongest foe
I often passed by your shop
When you prated with other sellers to kill the time
You smiled as though of condescendence
Like I cracked some stupid joke
But, before the jump they do not say hop
Sometimes, they regret that they spared their dime
On those who carry on a hard yoke.
As seasons murder the blossoms of a cherry tree
The same, you lost all your coquetry
No smiles, no easiness, no temper
You are all sad and downcast
Worn out, how much you’ll last?
Your aura have lost its amber
The bruisers of the sleepless nights under the eyes
And are you satisfied no more with the greedy glances of guys?
What did my love? Can it be fruitful?
What if I come to ask you one more time?
To be with me, I’d call you mine
Is there anything I might you offer?
And, will be there any profit?
For us to be together just for while
And, whether I prepared any guile?
Is there anything I might call practice
For theory that is named justice?
I can do one thing – keep my promise
And buy with effort you in lease.

Distance

I live with you in distance.
Of medium resistance.
I feel your warmth only.
And, cannot say I’m lonely.
I used to possess your body,
To execute my power of handle.
Remember I you a bright dolly.
Since then, a shoe instead of sandal.
I want to keep the burden of your being.
On my all grateful soul, seeing
I can make soft your hardships.
And, I demand for nothing but your lips.
You are so good, so gentle, so fine.
And, I regret I cannot offer you to dine.
Because the next step is to foot the bill
For my rights of enjoyment, I do feel
Your smell, but wish to have your breath
To share till the moment of death.

* * *

I keep in heart your serene image.
For me, you are not rose but a cabbage
That nourishes my soul pretty well-
All practical a fruit on sell.
But, could I offer for you money?
In that small shop, it would be funny.
All you accept is pain and effort.
I search for anguish, not for comfort.
I see your stockings on suspenders
With my mind’s eye, to me it renders
Your slender body in a wrapping
Of underwear lace, on finger there’s a ring,
The token of the proprietary bargain,
T’ acquire you exclusively, I mean.
To have you in my loving grip.
It gives me soothing and the sleep.

Broken oath

You broke an oathed bargain.
You wanted t’ get a double gain.
Consumed my marriage gifts with others.
And, whether have I t’ carry pain?
I let the curse return on you.
I feel much better, you were quite a few,
Of girls that wanted t’ find it too easy
With search of evil were you busy.
And now, will you pay for welfare on your own.
I bet I’ll hear many a moan.
I maybe was a fool but for some time.
You shall also know sorrow ‘n’ whine.
Betrayal has his duty payments:
Your revenue will be your laments.
If I seemed stupid in that day,
My reckoning was a sure play.
I loved but for your treason.
Your distress will be my sweet reason.
The harem project was for a joke.
But, you had better ask old folk
How such games do end if girls do lie.
For each of you, a morsel of the Devil’s apple pie.

I cultivated boldness in heart.
At least, wound spring gave start.
And, I paid visit to your coffee shop.
A gentle question wanted I to pop:
For me to be your lover, pretty maiden.
I crawled to daylight from my den.
I maybe want too much and proffer little.
I want t’ acquire beauty by an empty title,
Of one who wants to have but not to compromise.
But, you were though slender but all wise.
You tore the cord of a small fiddle,
With which intended I to diddle
Your soul into my own hell.
I did all short, I did all well,
When I accepted your refuse,
I did not spend my jobless fuse.
And, though I don’t call it lose,
I’m down in my literary booze.

* * *

Withered beauty

You are a flower born from a seed of South.
But, see I no smile on your sweet mouth.
Withstood you not the climate of the cruel frost.
Your charm is no more alive, a ghost.
I only regret I cannot take that former fire fume
Into my botanic herbarium.

* * *

I try to make offensive on your luck.
I play an eagle, though am a duck.
I want too much to have a gentle fuck.
But duly get my portion of the muck.


I do regret I get not my enough.
It seems to me I’m strong and tough.
I am surprised I do not have my lot
With women that I want. For what?
I feel malignity on their part.
I think I have my choice in that mart,
That is not satisfied due to some fault.
I taste the spice in that opinion and the salt.
But now, have I t’ say that it’s all trash.
I cannot cheat the rules of mash.
The love of woman needs the money.
It makes your life all good and sunny.
The work and sacrifice may help subdue
The woman of your dreams, in any view.
And, if you do not have that energy
Your person may produce allergy.
I know I will have my peers.
That gives me comforts, chases fears.
But, I can not condemn no dame,
That she don’t get turned on me, stupid fame.
I want to have too many women and at once.
I ran after two hares, no standard dunce.
I maybe will catch of these none.
But for me, it is sense and fun.
I will work much and strain my soul
To have of romantic victories a toll.

Return

I do return to status quo.
My fate is to be much in woe.
The curse should stay on me forever,
For me to keep above the level
Of ignoble and noble, such way.
Therefore, I have to change my say,
To be a man I have to pay your bill.
Only that manner can I make your will
T’ consent to be my women and wives.
I am to render blessing to your lives.
For me t’ conserve my manly status.
I have to leave it way it is between us.
And, cannot I renounce from the contract,
With which I made your fates correct.
I know that I have to wait
For you t’ accept my offer of the date.


Young blond

You are all merry and playful.
Young, blond, on shoulders is checked wool.
I look on you, your sure gait.
In my chess party, there’s a stalemate.
You wait of me established a position.
When I have projects, debts and fiction.
Still, do I look at you, interested.
Reject you not my glances, but I’m sad.
Can offer I you nothing t’ be a friend.
It gnaws my soul, though does not rend,
Because accustomed am I to that still
In the sea of my life, the pity do I feel,
That I have no cash to pay for good.
And, hardly could I change my mood.
What is now in my heart the hope main?
When and where will I meet you ‘gain?

You maybe are enigmatic for my ingenuousity.
I push the brake and clutch to slow down velocity.
I do not yield to my curiosity.
I see that you are good and costly.
And, I do stage my play mostly.
You give a smile to make me go lostly.
You do not want to buy such lazy slave.
In foolishness, I only am brave.
But once you gave me an accepting nod
To put some value on my fraud.

* * *

City girls

Statistics show much of beauty,
In this rich bay of no bounty.
Almost all of you would match my taste.
But, I deserve not any sexy waste.

Biology

The love, it is an absolute idea said my teacher.
She taught the courses of literature.
I took by heart the contents of the books.
It was like sublime things acquire pretty looks.
But life turned out to be simpler and more banal.
Which gives no value to your person.
In love, there is a competition of the purses.
Except, we try to cheat, we are the swine.
That dig the mud and call it a straight line.
To understand what is it, watch the animals,
On TV channels and set no walls
Between the wild world and our society.
The same we search for house and for diety.
We only don’t have a pelt
Depending on our cloth, are dealt.
But, whether does it some belittle
To have a woman in the middle?
You may boycott the rules of fair,
But then, you will get nowhere.